iEx  HthrtB 


SEYMOUR  DURST 


When  you  leave,  please  leave  this  hook 

Because  it  has  heen  said 
"Sver'thing  comes  t'  him  who  waits 

Except  a  loaned  hook." 


Avery  Architectural  and  Fine  Arts  Library 
Gift  of  Seymour  B.  Durst  Old  York  Library 

Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2013 


http://archive.org/details/generalcensureorOOunse 


Oft 


.GENERAL  C*.iV, 

OR,  /V" 

SAMPSON 

WITH  A  JAW-BONE  IN  HIS  HAND. 

£  INTENDED  AS  A  REPROOF  TO 

RELIGIOUS  AND  POLITICAL  ENTHUSIASTS ; 

POINTING  OUT  THE  ERRORS  OF  / 
CORPORATIONS,  FASHION-FOLLOWERS,  HIRELING-MINISTERS, 
>  SLAVE-HOLDERS,  GROG-DRINKERS,  &c.  kc. 


BY  A-  H. 


NEW-YORK : 


PRINTED  FOR  THE  AUTHOR 


(copy-right  SECURED.) 


DEDICATION 


TO  Dr.  DAVID  FOWLER. 

Beloved  Si*, 

It  is  not  the  distance  of  seventy  miles,  nor  yet  a  twen- 
ty years  absence  (in  which  time  I  think  I  have  had  the 
satisfaction  of  seeing  you  but  twice)  that  has  been  suffici- 
ent to  erace  from  my  mind  those  streams  of  affection  which 
commenced  at  my  earliest  acquaintance  with  you ;  and 
which,  without  intermission  or  abatement,  have  remained 
in  lively  exercise  to  this  day. 

I  have,  for  some  time  past,  employed  my  leisure  hours 
in  writing  a  little  upon  different  subjects,  which  I  now 
expose  to  public  view,  and  to  the  eye  of  a  criticising  world } 
and  have  lately  had  my  mind  impressed  with  a  desire  to 
dedicate  the  same  to  my  good  old  friend  D.  F. 

But,  as  momentary  impulses  and  sudden  flights  of  ima- 
gination, amount  to  but  very  little  in  my  view,  and  it  is 
my  general  custom,  to  count  money  twice,  before  I  re- 
ceive it  or  pay  it  away,  I  therefore  concluded  I  would  sit 

down  and  consider  a  little  what  I  was  going  about  \ 

—   —   —   —   —   —   —   And  now,  after  mature 

deliberation,  I  have  fully  confirmed  my  former  choice, 
and  must  say  with  one  of  old,  on  a  more  solemn  occasion, 
Thou  art  the  man. 

If  I  should  tell  you  that  yourself  is  the  author  of  this 
pamphlet,  you  would  not  believe  me.  And  yet,  sir,  I 
give  you  full  liberty  to  place  to  your  account  (at  least) 


iv. 


the  one  half  of  it.  And  for  an  explanation  of  this  para- 
dox, I  call  upon  you  to  take  a  retrospect  of  some  of  the 
occurrences  of  our  youthful  days.  You  know,  sir,  when 
I  was  a  lad,  I  was  always  aspiring  after  something  more 
than  the  difficulties  with  which  I  was  constantly  sur- 
rounded would  permit  me  to  obtain.  And  being  much 
delighted  with  figures,  would  sometimes  stojf  in  a  winter's 
day,  make  the  snow  my  slate,  and  take  my  finger  for  a 
pencil,  in  order  to  solve  some  very  difficult  arithmetical 
question :  and  did,  without  the  aid  of  any  person,  devise  a 
new  and  concise  method  for  the  reduction  of  vulgar  frac- 
tions to  a  common  denominator,  before  ever  I  knew  there 
was  such  a  rule  in  existence. 

Although  my  mind  was  frequently  amused  with  things 
of  this  kind,  yet  much  more  powerfully  attracted  when 
favoured  with  the  enjoyment  of  your  company  and  conver- 
sation. 

Your  desire  to  improve  and  cultivate  my  mind,  was 
abundantly  manifested  by  your  crowding  my  hands  full 
of  the  best  books  your  library  could  afford.  This,  how- 
ever, amounted  to  but  little  more  than  an  expression  of 
your  good-will  towards  me,  and  was  far  from  answering 
the  intended  purpose.  For,  such  was  my  fatigue  in  fol- 
lowing the  plough  from  morning  till  night,  and  other  exer- 
cises of  hard  labour,  that  I  had  but  little  time  to  peruse 
them:  and  the  little  scrap, of  time  devoted  to  that  purpose, 
was  taken  up  more  with  nodding  than  reading :  and  it  was 
not  an  uncommon  thing  for  me  to  get  asleep  with  your 
1  book  in  my  hand.  Under  these  extraordinary  disadvanta- 
ges, the  satisfaction  of  my  being  treated  with  respect,  by  a 
person  so  high  in  my  esteem,  amounted  to  much  more  than 


VI 


the  information  I  obtained  by  the  perusal  of  your  pages. 
But,  to  say  the  worst  I  can  of  it,  your  bookish  turn  of 
mind  begot  in  me  a  degree  of  its  own  likeness;  and  that 
has  produced  the  pages  you  are  now  reading. 

So  I  think  I  have  fully  substantiated  my  assertion  ;  and 
trust  you  will  not  contradict  me,  when  I  say  that  you  are 
(at  least  in  a  remote  sense)  the  author  of  this  pamphlet. 

I  am  not  acquainted  with  your  religious  or  political 
sentiments ;  and  am  therefore  not  able  so  much  as  to  guess 
how  well  you  will  be  suited  with  the  ideas  I  have  advanced 
in  the  following  work.  But  I  have  endeavoured  careful- 
ly to  avoid  every  extreme.  And  having  always  found  you 
possessed  of  that  moderate  temper  and  disposition  of  mind 
that  ought  to  adorn  the  life  of  every  man,  have  therefore 
not  hesitated  to  submit  the  same  to  your  candid  perusal, 
with  an  expectation  that  you  will  moderately  pass  by  my 
errors,  and  consider  them  the  effect  of  weakness,  rather 
than  of  a  corrupt  mind. 

I  first  thought  that  after  having  completed  my  manu- 
script, I  would  call  together  a  half  a  dozen  of  my  neigh- 
bors of  different  politics,  and  let  them  determine  its  fate, 
and  say  whether  it  should  be  committed  to  thepress  or  to 
the  flames.  But  I  soon  mistrusted  this  would  not  answer; 
for  it  is  more  than  probable  there  would  have  been  a  diver- 
sity in  their  opinions,  and  then  they  would  have  treated  me 
as  the  farmers  do  their  oxen.  And  if  so,  I  should  be  in 
but  an  awkward  situation,  and  all  my  trouble  amount  to 
nothing ;  for  you  know,  "  He  that  undertakes  to  please 
every  body  will  please  no  body." 

I  then  concluded  that,  without  advice  or  instruction,  to 
the  press  it  should  go.    But  the  next  thing  to  determine 


vL 

was,  whether  to  subscribe  my  name  to  the  work,  or  let  it 
be  said  to  have  been  written  by  an  anonymous  hand.  If 
the  former,  "he  wants  to  be  known,"  if  the  latter,  "he  is 
ashamed  of  his  name."  Amidst  those  difficulties,  sir,  I 
should  have  been  glad  of  the  aid  of  your  better  judgment, 
to  have  helped  me  through.  Upon  the  whole,  I  concluded 
if  any  were  so  foolish  as  to  dispute  about  the  outhor's  name, 
as  Michael  and  Satan  did  about  the  body  of  Moses,  for  the 
gratification  of  such,  I  would  follow  the  example  of  Solo- 
mon, who,  when  the  women  were  disputing  about  the  liv- 
ing child,  ordered  it  to  be  cut  in  two.  So  now,  I  give  the 
reader  the  initials  of  my  name,  and  wish  to  keep  the  re- 
mainder to  myself. 

But,  no  sooner  had  I  determined  upon  this,  than  another 
question  equally  as  important  occurred  to  my  view,  i.  e. 
What  shall  be  the  name  of  my  book  ?  Here  I  had  to  stop. 
The  first  title  that  struck  my  mind  with  much  force  was, 
Every  body  with  their  heads  cut  off.  The  next  was,  The 
Devil  with  his  back  broke.  The  last  of  all,  and  that  which 
I  have  finally  adopted  is,  Sampson  with  a  Jawbone  in  his 
hand.  How  far  the  title  of  the  pamphlet  corresponds  with 
its  contents,  I  shall  leave  you  and  all  my  honest  readers  to 
judge. 

And  now,  sir,  I  wish  you  all  the  happiness  that  can  rea- 
sonably be  expected  to  result  from  a  well  spent  life. 

A.  H. 


PREFACE, 


When  a  landlord  is  about  to  set  out  upon  a  journey,  he 
calls  his  children  and  servants  together,  and  tells  them 
what  to  do,  and  what  to  leave  undone.  And  sometimes  he 
promises  rewards  or  punishments  in  proportion  to  the  faith- 
ful discharge  or  wilful  neglect  of  their  duty. 

In  writing  the  following  pages,  I  have  deviated  a  little 
from  this  rule;  for  I  acknowledge  myself  to  possess  some 
oddities,  which  I  could  not  help  if  I  would,  nor  would  not 
if  I  could.  For,  instead  of  telling  you  positively  what  you 
ought  to  be,  and  what  you  ought  to  do,  I  have  dwelt  pret- 
ty much  upon  the  negative,  and  told  you  what  you  ought 
not ;  being  confident  of  this,  that  people  must  cease  to  do 
evil,  before  they  can  learn  to  do  good.  Or,  at  least  a  ces- 
sation from  evil  acts,  is  generally  a  forerunner  of  good  ones. 

When  an  obscure  person  first  enters  into  public  busi- 
ness, it  becomes  necessary  he  should  have  a  sign  erected 
With  large  capitals,  designating  his  name,  occupation,  and 
place  of  abode.  But  a  person  whose  character  is  already 
well  established,  would  be  sought  after  and  found,  if  he 
was  to  conceal  himself  in  the  nethermost  corner  of  a  dark 
cellar. 

The  author  of  this  has  no  intention  to  continue  the  pub- 
lication of  books  for  a  livelihood;  or,  to  make  a  business  of 
writing.  The  Capitals  shall  therefore  be  omitted.  And 
he  is  so  little  known  abroad5  that  if  the  reader's  curiosity 
should  lead  him  to  a  search,  he  must  go  almost  into  the 
gloomy  recesses  of  obscurity  before  he  can  find  him. 


viii. 


Indeed,  I  think  none  will  attempt  the  search  for  the 
purpose  of  opposing  this  publication,  except  those  whose 
guilty  consciences  accuse  them  of  being  the  persons  whose 
vices  I  have  endeavored  to  hold  up  to  public  view.  A 
horse  that  flinches  under  the  saddle,  gives  plain  evidence 
of  a  tender  back ;  and,  their  uneasiness  in  this  respect, 
will  be  considered  as  a  sure  sign  of  their  guilt  and  criminal- 

As  I  am  new  at  this  kind  of  business,  and  never  made 
so  public  an  appearance  before,  it  is  natural  for  me  to  sus- 
pect that  some  stickler  will  take  me  upon  the  tip  of  his 
pen,  and  try  to  serve  me  as  the  kitchen  maids  do  their 
pidgecns.  But  be  that  as  it  may,  I  shall  not  follow  the 
example  of  Tom  Paine,  who  made  a  public  declaration  in 
a  letter  of  his,  that  whoever  wrote  against  him,  should 
be  entirely neglected ',  and  receive  no  answer,  which  I  con- 
sider as  good  evidence  that  he  thought  his  writings  excep- 
tionable, and  his  productions  unworthy  of  defence. 

W  hether  I  shall  ever  again  visit  you  in  this  way,  is  al- 
together uncertain.  Very  much  will  depend  upon  your 
future  conduct.  If  you  will  carefully  avoid  those  evils 
into  which  you  have  frequently  plunged  yourselves,  (a 
few  cf  which  I  have  endeavoured  to  point  out  in  the  fol- 
lowing work)  and  guard  against  extremes  of  every  kind, 
I  will  promise  never  more  to  trouble  you.  Otherwise, 
the  probability  is,  I  shall  nieet  you  again,  not  with  a  Jaw- 
hone  in  my  hand,  but  with  a  rod  of  iron;  will  not  then 
touch  slightly  upon  the  surface  of  your  faults,  but  bear 
down  with  a  little  more  weight,  and  strive  to  leave  a  more 
durable  impression.    For,  "  fie  that  being  of i&a^reproved., 


ix. 


:i  hardeneth  his  neck,  shall  suddenly  be  destroyed,  and 
%*  that  without  remedy." 

It  is  a  common  thing,  when  success  attends  our  first 
endeavours,  for  that  success  to  stimulate  us  to  make  a  se- 
cond attempt.  But  this,  I  assure  you,  shall  not  be  the 
case  in  the  present  instance.  For  although  I  have  yet  an- 
other rod  in  soak,  I  shall  be  glad  to  let  it  lie  there  and  rot, 
if  my  first  number  should  have  its  desired  effect. 

My  principal  motive  in  publishing  this  work,  is,  to  re- 
gulate the  passions  of  the  passionate,  and  moderate  the  zeal 
of  the  zealous ;  wishing  thereby  to  make  political  and  reli- 
gious enthusiasts  ashamed  of  their  extremes,  by  pointing 
out  their  errors,  and  start  them  to  seek  for  that  medium 
which  ought  to  serve  as  an  ornament  to  the  life  of  every 
good  man. 

Through  the  course  of  this  work  I  have  simply  advanced 
my  own  sentiments,  without  the  least  esteem  (I  think  I 
can  truly  say  J  for  any  political  body  or  individual  whatev- 
er ;  and  apprehend  my  productions  will  prove  disgusting 
io  all,  in  proportion  to  the  extremity  of  the  zeal  of  which 
they  are  possessed  for  either  politics  or  religion.  In  any 
controverted  case,  where  a  decision  displeases  both  the  con- 
tending parties,  it  is  generally  allowed  to  be  a  good  one. 
If  this  be  a  just  criterion,  and  the  hot-headed  political  par- 
tisans on  both  sides  should  stigmatise  me  with  being  their 
enemy,  I  shall  console  myself  with  the  idea  of  being  not 
far  from  right. 

I  suppose  many  a  reader  will  be  reedy  to  say,  "  It  is  a 
worthless  scrip,  calculated  only  to  dampen  the  spirits  of 
political  parties,  and  retard  their  progress,"  while  the 
writer,  having  such  a  firm  confidence  in  his  own  integrity, 

B 


X. 

is  ready  to  answer,  that  he  wishes  (unless  there  should 
he  a  speedy  alteration  for  the  better)  some  more  expert 
person  than  himself  to  begin  where  he  has  left  off,  or  at 
some  better  place,  and  resume  the  subjects  on  which  he 
has  slightly  touched ;  and  if  any  man  can  build  straight 
on  so  crooked  a  foundation,  he  is  entirely  at  liberty  so  to  do. 

I  think  it  very  probable,  that  while  I  have  been 
aiming  at  the  extremes  of  other  people,  I  have  inad- 
vertently run  into  others  myself.  But  even  in  that  case  I 
may  not  despair  of  being  useful ;  for  it  is  not  an  uncom- 
mon thing,  after  the  discovery  of  two  opposite  extremes, 
for  the  medium  more  easily  to  be  found.* 

But,  "  You  find  fault  w  ith  every  thing — you  point  out 
"  the  disease  without  prescribing  a  remedy."  Well,  the 
principal  upon  which  I  have  started,  was  to  put  you  upon 
serious  thinking,  by  disclosing  your  errors,  and  then  leave 
you  to  correct  them  yourselves.  Otherwise  my  little 
pamphlet  would  swell  to  a  large  volume,  and  I  should  in- 
trude upon  your  patience.  What  I  here  offer  to  the  pub- 
lic was  origi  lally  calculated  for  the  meridian  of  New- 
York  ;  but,  like  Hutchins's  almanac,  will  serve,  without 
essential  variation,  for  any  of  the  adjacent  cities,  perhaps 
Philadelphia,  Baltimore,  and  Boston. 

Respectfully  I  am  yours,  &c. 

THE  AUTHOR. 

*For  a  demonstration  of  this,  I  refer  the  reader  to  a  rule  in 
•arithmetic  called  "  Double  Position,"  where  the  true  number  is 
found  by  supposing  two  false  ones.  And  if  so  in  arithmetic,  why 
may  we  not  look  for  the  errors  of  both  reader  and  writer  to  he 
corrected  by  the  same  rule  ? 


General  Censure,  &e, 


CHAPTER  I 

Moses  instituted  an  ordinance  called  the  Passover,  to  be 
observed  by  the  Jews  in  future  generations ;  it  being  a 
kind  of  anniversary  for  their  great  deliverance  from  the  de- 
struction of  the  destroying  angel,  when  the  first-born  of  the 
Egyptians  were  all  cut  off,  which  ordinance  is  punctually 
observed  to  this  day. 

The  professors  of  Christianity  have  also  established  a 
festival  of  the  same  kind,  to  which  they  generally  attend 
on  the  £5th  day  of  December,  (called  Christmas)  in  com- 
memoration of  a  much  more  glorious  event. 

The  more  serious  part  of  the  community  go  to  church, 
and  say  their  prayers,  and  strive  to  stir  up  each  other's 
pure  minds  by  way  of  remembrance :  while  another  class 
assemble  at  the  ball-room,  chant  at  the  sound  of  the  vio- 
lin, turn  night  into  day,  and  day  into  night,  and  thereby 
destroy  their  constitutions,  and  lay  a  foundation  for  future 
trouble,  and  may  be  sure  of  being  well  paid  either  here  or 
hereafter. 

The  more  vulgar  sort,  (especially  in  country  places)  as* 
semble  in  large  companies  about  the  break  of  day,  on 
Christmas  morning,  with  their  rusty  muskets  and  old  fire- 
locks, and  streaming  through  the  neighbourhood  they  fail 
not  to  give  a  salute  at  every  house,  by  "  shooting  off  their 
guns,"  and,  in  return,  are  sure  to  be  feasted  with  cider 


12 


and  dough-nuts,  and  sometimes  a  bottle  of  rum.*  Thm 
the  generosity  of  their  neighbours  supercedes  the  necessity 
of  their  repairing  home  at  mealtimes,  for  they  are  filled  up 
to  the  very  brim  with  Christmas  pies,  cakes,  and  cider, 
and  rum,  previously  provided  for  that  purpose.  Then, 
returning  home,  warm  themselves  with  the  coals  of  the 
Christmas  log,  and  for  two  or  three  days  feel  the  effects  of 
their  Christmas  frolic. 

The  Fourth  of  July  exhibits  a  scene  but  very  little  dif- 
ferent. The  people  make  as  if  they  would  call  to  mind  the 
deliverance  we  obtained  from  the  British  Yoke,  and  the  bles- 
sings of  a  kind  providence  on  that  occasion.  But  they  are 
better  suited  with  diversion  than  with  devotion,!  and  think 
more  of  their  grog  than  they  do  of  their  liberty.  At  this 
time  "Federal"  and  "Republican"  is  to  be  heard  all 
round  the  town.  And  while  separated  into  their  different 
political  parties,  can  no  more  tell  the  difference  between 
their  political  sentiments,  than  they  can  distinguish  be- 
tween the  radius  of  a  circle  and  the  hypothenuse  of  a  trian- 
gle. Yet  they  display  their  political  knowledge  over  the 
grog-bowl  and  wine-glass,  till  their  heads  and  their  heels 

*It  is  not  an  uncommon  thing  for  the  young  men  and  servants 
in  the  fall  of  the  year,  while  procuring  their  winter's  wood,  to  lay 
aside  the  butt  end  of  the  largest  tree  they  can  find,  which  they  call 
"a  Christmas  log,"  to  which  they  set  fire  on  the  morning  of  that 
day,  and  have  full  liberty  to  continue  their  sport  till  all  is  consum  - 
ed. 

tThere  is,  however,  a  religious  denomination  in  this  city,  who, 
for  these  two  years  past,  have  assembled  together  on  that  day  for 
religious  purposes,  and  have  attended  to  exercises  of  devotion 
with  a  degree  of  zeal  much  to  their  credit. 


IS 


begin  to  get  upon  an  equal  balance,  and  both  claim  an 
equal  right  to  the  pavements  of  the  street.  But  the  head, 
meeting  its  new  habitation  with  rapid  motion,  and  finding 
Itself  uncomfortably  situated,  retires  from  its  flinty  abode 
with  the  loss  of  blood ;  and  carries  along  a  small  crimson 
stream,  as  a  witness  of  the  direful  conflict.  Then,  with 
flying  colours,  and  buck's  tails  in  front,  make  a  heavy  ex- 
plosion against  the  tyraxiical  British  government,  and  call 
every  man  "  Tory"  that  will  dare  to  contradict  them ;  and 
shew  their  attachment  towards  the  French  tyrant,  by  as- 
serting, with  the  Public  Advertiser,  that  Bonaparte  never 
commenced  hostilities  against  any  nation  without  first  hav- 
ing had  just  cause  of  resentment. 

Others,  on  the  birth-day  of  our  beloved  Washington^ 
with  alternative  motion,  will  try  to  keep  possession  of  both 
sides  of  the  street,  and,  with  a  volley  of  execrations  against 
Bonaparte,  will  curse  the  French,  and  with  equal  zeal 
shew  the  badge  of  benevolence,  and  declare  themselves 
good  Federalists. 

Then,  both  parties,  when  a  little  recovered  from  their 
intoxication,  will  sit  and  tell  what  they  did  in  the  last 
war,  and  what  they  would  do  again.  And,  as  if  their 
trumpeter  was  dead,  will  sound  their  own  praise,  by 
enumerating  many  of  their  good  deeds  and  great  ex  - 
ploits ;  and  like  a  new  blown  bladder,  or  the  frog  in  thp 
fable,  are  puffed  up  with  pomp,  or  some  other  fantastical 
exercise,  lighter  than  the  air  in  which  they  breathe ;  and 
will  elate  themselves  with  an  idea  of  being  esteemed 
great.  And  then,  in  order  to  consummate  the  pleasures 
of  the  day,  and  render  the  joys  of  the  festival  still  more 
complete,  totter  to  a  table  made  ready  for  their  reception  ; 


14 


where,  upon  the  payment  of  one  dollar  and  fifty  cents, 
they  can  obtain  a  gentleman's  seat,  and  associate  with 
the  political  grandees ;  though,  at  the  same  time  may 
have  a  needy  family  at  home,  almost  suffering  for  want  of 
what  they  needlessly  spend. 

For  the  information  of  strangers,  into  whose  hands  this 
little  work  may  fall,  I  have  thought  proper  to  state,  that 
in  this  city  many  of  the  Democratic  Republicans  have 
formed  themselves  into  an  association,  and  belong  to  what 
is  called  the  Tammany  Society.  None  are  admitted  but 
those  who  bear  the  character  of  being  uniform  in  their 
sentiments.  They  are  possest  of  one  remarkable  singu- 
larity, in  that  they  despise  all  those  belonging  to  the  op- 
posite party,  who  were  enemies  to  our  country  in  time  of 
the  revolution.  But  if  any  of  the  self-same  men  offer  to 
join  their  society,  they  are  received  with  open  arms. 
Whenever  they  make  a  public  appearance  as  a  society,  or 
form  a  procession,  they  are  to  be  distinguished  from  others 
by  a  buck's  tail,  which  they  place  perpendicular  in  front 
upon  their  hats. 

And  the  opposite  party,  all  consisting  of  Federal  Re- 
publicans, having  also  formed  themselves  into  an  associa- 
tion, which  is  designated  by  the  name  of  the  "  Washing- 
ton Benevolent  Society."  They  are  to  be  distinguished 
by  a  small  blue  ribbon  drawn  through  the  button-hole, 
and  made  fast  to  the  coat  on  the  left  side.  Both  these  par- 
ties have  "  Charity"  for  their  motto ;  and  hold  up  an 
idea  (if  I  understand  it  right)  that  their  funds  are  esta- 
blished for  the  benevolent  purpose  of  relieving  the  poor 
and  unfortunate  of  their  society,  which  relief  is  sometimes 
granted :  for  the  worst  of  societies  will,  in  some  cases, 


15 


shew  the  face  of  humanity,  and  feign  themselves  liberal; 
otherwise  they  would  soon  sink  so  low  in  public  estima- 
tion, that  they  would  shew  outwardly  what  they  are 
inwardly.  The  devil,  from  a  desire  to  be  believed,  is 
sometimes  prompted  to  speak  the  truth,  that  his  corrupt 
purposes  might  be  the  better  answered. 

All  other  charitable  societies  (at  least  as  far  as  my  know- 
ledge extends)  do  admit,  and  consist  of  members  of  different 
sentiments,  without  the  least  regard  to  their  politics,  so 
as  they  do  but  contribute  towards  the  general  fund,  and 
relief  of  the  poor  and  needy.  But  these  two  establish- 
ments have  something  peculiar  to  themselves,  in  that  they 
admit  of  nothing  as  it  respects  politics,  but  uniformity 
among  their  members.  And  this  I  consider  as  an  evidence 
of  their  being  rotten  at  heart :  being  more  zealous  to  prc- 
mote  a  party  spirit,  than  to  inspire  the  minds  of  their  mem- 
bers with  true  philanthrophy.  Fcr  it  is  notorious,  that 
each  one  is  aspiring  more  after  the  interest  of  his  own  par- 
ty ,  than  the  honor  and  well-being  of  his  own  country ; 
which  is  evident  to  every  observing  eye,  from  the  unwea- 
ried pains  they  take  in  times  of  election  to  promote  each 
one  his  own  part}%  at  the  downfall  of  his  opponent's. 
At  this  time  the  poorest  man  in  the  city,  the  greatest  grog- 
drinker  or  cider-toper  to  be  found,  can  be  waited  on  at  his 
door,  and  ride  with  grandeur  in  a  carriage  to  the  poll  to 
give  in  his  vote.  While  there,  he  is  greatly  caressed,  and 
received  with  open  arms  by  the  heads  of  his  party — is  call- 
ed Mr.  and  treated  with  respect,  and  a  glass  of  liquor 
handed  him  by  those,  who,  at  any  other  time  would  treat 
him  with  the  greatest  contempt  and  be  ashamed  of  his  com- 
pany. 


16 


It  is  not  only  the  rich  and  the  opulent  who  thus  spend 
iheir  time  and  their  money ;  for,  among  others  that  I 
might  mention,  I  will  speak  of  one  whose  political  zeal 
was  such,  that,  for  three  days  successively  he  voluntarily 
neglected  his  business  for  the  purpose  of  attending  the 
election  poll ;  and,  within  a  few  days  was  called  upon  for 
his  house-rent,  which  he  was  unable  to  pay.  Thus,  his 
manhood  excited  him  to  spend  his  last  six  pence  for  grog, 
while  his  children  wanted  bread,  and  his  shivering  family 
were  hovering  over  a  few  remaining  coals,  suffering  for 
want  of  fuel  to  keep  them  warm. 

Thus  the  election  frolic  and  the  July  frolic  afford  us  a 
lively  specimen  of  both  political  manhood  and  American 
bravery. 

These  anniversaries,  conducted  as  they  generally  are, 
bring  fresh  to  my  recollection  the  evening  of  the  fourth  of 
July  seventy-six,  the  first  time  the  Americans  ever  re- 
joiced on  an  occasion  like  this.  The  nocturnal  gloom  was 
in  a  great  measure  dispelled  by  the  bursting  of  sky-rockets, 
and  the  atmosphere  was  shaken  at  the  distance  of  more 
than  two  miles  by  the  rejoicings  of  the  joyful  and  the  huz- 
zas of  the  drunken.  So,  with  intoxicated  brains  and  In- 
dian hoots  they  ended  the  day.  Like  the  debtor,  who,  af- 
ter a  long  confinement,-  upon  obtaining  a  discharge,  in- 
stead of  repairing  directly  to  his  family,  to  rejoice  with 
them,  sought  the  neighbourhood  in  quest  of  his  brother 
tiplers,  and  with  them  sipt  the  delicious  juice  of  the  cane 
till  he  became  intoxicated,  and  his  intellects  quite  be- 
numbed. He  then  marched  upon  a  zig  zag  to  the  court- 
house, where  he  measured  his  length  upon  the  floor,  and 
made  the  plank  his  pillow  till  morning.    A  great  shame 


17 


for  the  inhabitants  of  any  civilized  country ;  and  much 
more  for  professors  of  religion,  who  so  far  conform  to  the 
usual  customs  of  the  day,  as  to  associate  with  any  political 
body  on  such  an  occasion.  Solomon  tells  us,  "  A  compa- 
nion of  fools  shall  be  destroyed."  In  all  our  undertakings 
we  should  endeavour  to  do  good  or  get  good.  But,  when 
we  thus  voluntarily  expose  ourselves  to  the  company  of 
those  who  generally  attend  on  such  occasions,  there  seems 
to  be  but  little  probability  of  either  influencing  their 
minds  by  our  good  example,  or  receiving  the  least  spiritu- 
al benefit  from  theirs. 

And  the  opening  of  church  doors,  for  the  reception  of 
such  company,  on  such  occasions,  is  what,  I  think,  every 
good  man  ought  to  speak  against.  Thus,  both  parties 
zealously  signalize  themselves  by  an  undue  attachment  to 
what  they  call  "  correct  principles  but,  like  Herod  and 
Pontius  Pilate,  agree  very  well  in  the  main  point  they 
have  in  view,  i.  e.  to  make  beasts  of  themselves  by  swill- 
ing down  intoxicating  draughts.  And  some  return  to  their 
habitations  with  an  empty  purse,  exhibiting  their  usual 
coat  of  arms,  a  black  eye  and  a  bloody  nose : — a  melan- 
choly spectacle  of  American  bravery. 

But,  leaving  such  rubbish  entirety  out  of  sight,  (where 
they  ought  always  to  be  kept)  let  us  give  our  attention 
to  those  of  a  more  decent  turn,  who  yet  indulge  them- 
selves in  destroying  the  union,  and  widening  the  breach 
between  the  contending  parties.  Little  do  they  think 
how  great  injury  they  are  doing  themselves  and  their 
Gountry  by  their  extreme  partiality.  If  any  man  would 
form  a  union  between  these  contending  parties,  find  a  me- 
dium between  the  two  extremes,  and  destroy  our  present 

C 


18 


political  divisions — take  the  cream  of  both  parties, 
and  therewith  form  a  new  society,  who  feel  a  friendly  at- 
tachment to  no  other  than  our  own  country  ;  free  from 
French  influence  and  British  corruption ;  and  enter  into  a 
league  not  to  promote  any  slave-holder  or  duel-fighter  to 
any  post  of  honour,  profit,  or  power :  I  should  feel  high- 
ly gratified,  and  happy  to  congratulate  you  on  so  pleas- 
ing an  event.  And  if  they  would  all  so  far  lay  aside  their 
prejudices,  and  overcome  their  political  oppositions,  as  to 
meet  in  the  Park,  or  at  any  other  convenient  place,  on  the 
fourth  of  July,  or  at  any  other  time,  and  make  a  bonfire 
of  their  buck's  tails  and  their  badges,  I  wrould  not  blame 
any  one  for  attending ;  indeed,  I  would  leave  my  repose 
at  midnight  to  become  the  happy  spectator  of  so  desirable 
a  scene. 


CHAPTER  II. 

At  the  prospect  of  an  amicable  treaty  between  Britain 
and  America,  many  a  house  in  this  city  was  illuminated, 
as  if  the  landlord  knew  no  better  way  to  express  his  grati- 
tude, than  to  exhibit  a  lighted  candle  at  every  pane  of  glass 
in  front  of  his  dwelling.  Had  there  been  none  but  little 
boys  and  idiots  that  employed  their  time  in  this  way,  we 
would  only  have  laughed  at  the  former  and  pitied  the  lat- 
ter. But,  to  see  men  of  sound  judgment  and  good  sense, 
(improperly  so  called)  and  some  who  really  make  a  pro- 
fession of  r-ligion,  sticking  up  their  lights,  and  thus 
playing  the  little  boy,  I  think  they  ought  to  blush  for  not 
blushing,  and  shew  better  signs  of  a  thankful  heart 


19 

They  place  themselves  far  beneath  those  pall-bearers  and 
ministers  who  attend  the  funerals  of  their  societies,  or- 
namented with  three  or  four  yards  of  fine  shirting,  swung 
in  the  form  of  a  soldier's  belt,  and  as  many  yards  of  black 
ribbon  in  lieu  of  an  epaulet  upon  the  shoulder.  There  is 
this  difference,  however,  the  politician  burns  his  candles, 
and  receives  no  compensation  but  the  frothy  applause  of 
those  who  are  vain  like  himself ;  while  the  others  obtain 
a  generous  present  of  the  fine  linen,  a  plentiful  pattern  of 
a  new  shirt.  This  they  wear,  I  suppose,  in  order  to 
shew  their  respect  to  the  person  of  the  deceased. 

And  the  relatives,  actuated  by  a  similar  motive,  (if  each 
one  has  but  a  dollar  in  the  world)  must  away  to  the  mer- 
chant and  purchase  some  black  crape  to  encompass  the 
crown  of  the  hat,  in  order  to  tell  the  world,  "I have  lost 
a  friend"  So  the  scarfs  of  the  pretended  mourners  an- 
swer just  as  good  a  purpose  as  the  buck's  tails  and  badges 
of  our  modern  politicians.  The  latter  exhibit  outward  signs 
of  their  friendship  to  their  country — the  former  of  their 
being  friends  to  the  deceased.  With  this  difference  however, 
the  politician  is  sure  to  get  drunk  on  the  fourth  of  July, 
from  which  extravagancies  the  mourner  generally  abstains. 

I  was  once  fool  enough  to  become  a  member  of  one  of 
those  socseties  of  which  I  have  been  speaking  in  the 
preceding  chapter.  Yery  soon  after  my  initiation  there 
was  a  procession  formed,  and  an  oration  to  be  delivered  in 
a  meeting-house  at  the  end  of  the  inarch.  I  was  anxious 
to  hear  the  oration,  as  I  never  before  had  an  opportunity ; 
but  was  ashamed  to  be  seen  in  a  procession  on  an  occasion 
like  that.  I  therefore  served  as  a  spectator  till  we  ap- 
proached within  a  short  distance  of  the  house ;  and  know- 


20 


iag  no  other  way  to  gratify  my  curiosity  than  bj  falling  in- 
to the  ranks,  yielded  to  the  irksome  task,  and  became  one 
of  their  company.  But,  while  others  were  marching 
with  cheerful  countenance  and  uplifted  heads,  and  giving 
the  gentle  nod  of  obeisance  to  the  gaping  multitude,  as  if 
proud  of  their  situation,  I  dragged  myself  along  with  eyes 
lixed  upon  the  ground,  feeling  like  a  sheep-killing  dog, 
or  a  cat  in  a  strange  garret.  I  have  never  been  ashamed  of 
it  more  than  once,  and  that  has  been  from  that  day  to  this. 
And  I  feel  inclined  to  embrace  this  opportunity  to 
express  my  aversion  to  the  adoption  of  any  such  mea- 
sures, in  order  to  express  our  gratitude  to  a  Supreme  Being 
for  past  favours.  If  the  benevolence  of  that  Being  calls 
upon  us  for  an  expression  of  gratitude,  let  it  be  done  with 
devotional  exercises.  And  those  who,  for  want  of  piety, 
cannot  freely  conform  to  exercises  of  this  kind,  would  com- 
mit no  crime,  civilly  to  assemble  together,  and  listen  to 
the  melodious  sound  of  a  band  of  music,  prepared  for  that 
purpose,  in  some  suitable  place,  but  not  in  a  church,  or 
any  building  erected  for  divine  worship.  Those  edifices 
were  intended  for  more  noble  purposes,  and  ought  not  to 
be  poluted  by  the  admission  of  such  companies  on  such 
occasions.  And  the  ruling  officers  of  every  church,  (ad- 
mitting they  have  no  aversion  of  their  own )  ought  so  far 
to  regard  the  tender  feelings  of  the  more  serious,  as  to  set 
their  faces  like  a  flint  against  condescensions  of  the  kind. 

I  know  there  are  those  who  will  expect  better  things 
of  the  author,  and  be  ready  to  say,  "  his  former  manifes- 
tations of  friendship  towards  us  by  becoming  one  of  our 
members,  gave  us  reason  to  consider  him  a  better  friend." 
I  profess  myself  a  true  friend  to  the  country  in  which  I 


21 


live,  and  would  risque  my  life  in  its  defence,  against  any 
foreign  or  domestic  foe,  I  care  not  who.  But  any  undue 
respect  that  I  have  heretofore  manifested  towards  any  po- 
litical denomination,  was  for  want  of  a  just  conception  of 
the  nature  of  its  institution,  and  a  perfect  knowledge  of  the 
basis  on  which  such  establishment  was  founded  ;  and 
viewing  the  artificial  branches  and  leaves  of  charity  and 
benevolence,  placed  upon  the  rotten  root  of  national  dis- 
cord by  the  hands  of  party-spirited  and  designing  men,  I 
am  induced  thu3  publicly  to  disavow  my  attachment  to 
any  political  denomination  whatever,  and  wish  to  be  con- 
sidered as  nothing  more  nor  less  than  a  true  American. 

There  are  many  moderate  men  on  both  sides,  who  differ 
in  nothing  but  in  name,  in  whose  hands  I  would  not  be 
afraid  to  venture  my  life ;  but  there  are  others  again,  in 
whose  hands  the  life  of  a  dog  would  hardly  be  safe,  unless 
he  was  called  by  their  own  name. 

A  manifestation  of  political  zeal  tends  only  to  inflame 
the  zeal  of  our  opponents ;  while  moderation  has  a  ten- 
dency not  only  to  increase  the  friendship  of  our  friends, 
biit  to  procure  the  friendship  of  our  enemies. 

A  little  diversity  in  our  opinions,  if  kept  within  the 
bounds  of  moderation,  would  do  us  no  harm ;  while  an  ex- 
treme fermentation,  if  intended  only  for  the  niggardly 
purpose  of  procuring  offices,  and  commissions,  and  posts  of 
honour  or  profit  for  ourselves  or  our  friends,  might  be  mis- 
construed by  a  foreign  nation ;  and  they  viewing  us  as  a 
divided  people,  might  thereby  be  emboldened  to  make  en- 
croachments upon  us  ;  and  so,  their  wrong  calculations, 
grounded  upon  our  imprudence,  might  prove  an  injury  to 
both  them  and  us. 


22 


There  are  thousands  on  each  side,  who  run  into  this 
miserable  extreme ;  who  nevertheless  are  good  friends  to 
the  country  in  which  they  live,  and  would  firmly  defend 
our  nation  against  the  insulting  depradations  of  an  ap- 
proaching enemy. 

One  will  boast  of  his  political  sentiments,  and  say,  "  I 
am  no  Frenchman,  but  a  true  Federalist."  Another  with 
equal  zeal  will  speak  against  the  corruptions  of  the  Bri- 
tish government,  and  declare  himself  a  real  Republican  ; 
as  if  our  public  prosperity  or  adversity  depends  principal- 
ly upon  our  personal  respect  or  aversion  to  any  foreign 
nation. 

Who  but  an  enemy  to  his  country,  can  feel  the  least 
degree  of  attachment  towards  either  of  those  nations, 
whose  boundless  insolence  is  manifested  towards  us,  by 
murdering  our  citizens  in  our  own  waters,  and  plundering 
our  property  upon  the  high  seas.  It  is  needless  to  com- 
ment upon  the  depradations  so  familiar  to  the  mind  of  ev- 
ery man  as  the  murder  of  Pierce  at  New-York,  and  the 
inhuman  butchery  committed  on  board  the  Chesapeake : 
and  although  these  insults  have  been  verbally  reprobated 
by  the  British  government,  yet  we  are  left  to  judge  of 
their  sincerity  by  their  neglect  of  an  honourable  repara- 
tion ;  and  a  repetition  of  their  devilish  arrogance  by  firing 
upon  the  brig  Vixen.  By  a  letter  from  an  officer  on 
board,  I  am  informed  that  a  "  British  ball  had  carried 
away  their  main  boom,  and  threw  a  splinter  in  his  face.'7 
But  had  it  have  been  the  ball  instead  of  a  splinter,  I  sup- 
pose the  royal  captain  would  have  been  just  as  well  suited ; 
which  comports  very  well  with  the  insolence  frequently 


23 


exhibited  by  the  imperious  commanders  of  that  haughty 
nation. 

Nor  have  we  the  least  reason  to  speak  well  of  the  Ne- 
polean  tyrant,  whose  matchless  austerity  has  repeatedly 
been  shewn  by  burning  and  plundering  our  vessels,  and 
seizing  and  confiscating  our  property.  We  may  thank  the 
wide  ocean  for  a  three  thousand  miles  separation  between 
the  two  continents :  for  were  our  territories  adjacent  to  his, 
'tis  more  than  probable  he  would  endeavour  to  subjugate 
us  to  his  imperial  power,  as  he  has  done  many  of  the  Eu- 
ropean nations.  The  British  fleets  and  cruisers  have  also 
had  a  tendency  to  retard  him  in  his  progress.  But  no 
thanks  to  any  one  for  doing  us  a  favour  when  self-preserva- 
tion is  the  main  spring  of  their  motion. 

But,  amidst  all  these  injuries  and  repeated  insults  from 
both  nations,  we  should  do  well  to  avoid  a  war  if  possible ; 
in  which  case  we  should  have  much  to  lose  and  nothing  to 
gain.  The  French  Emperor  is  far  out  of  our  reach,  bear- 
ing down  all  landed  opposition  with  which  he  meets ;  and 
Royal  George  is  complete  ruler  of  the  ocean.  And  if  all 
our  hostile  attempts  were  crowned  with  complete  success, 
we  could  obtain  nothing  but  Canada  and  Nova  Scotia ;  and 
it  may  be  said  of  that  as  of  self-righteousness,  "  The  more 
"  we  have  of  it,  the  worse  we  are  off." 

Amidst  the  numerous  miseries  and  disadvantages  at- 
tending us,  on  account  of  the  divisions  of  which  I  have 
been  speaking,  I  think  there  is  one  real  benefit  that  will 
result  therefrom.  One  party  will  probably  serve  as  a 
check  to  the  other,  to  keep  them  from  the  extremes  into 
which  probably  they  would  otherwise  run.  If  the  Fede- 
ral party  were  permitted  to  proceed  in  their  own  way,  then 
huzza  for  a  navy  and  standing  army.    We  will  be  respect- 


24 


ed  abroad,  even  if  we  have  to  impoverish  ourselves  at 
home.  On  the  other  hand,  if  the  Democrats  could  have 
their  wish,  there  would  scarcely  be  a  Merino  Sheep  left 
in  all  Spain.  They  would  establish  woolen  and  cotton 
manufactories  in  all  directions,  and  be  so  rigid  in  support 
of  an  absolute  independence,  that  the  homespun  must  be 
worn  in  preference  to  every  thing  else,  although  we  might 
send  our  raw  materials  to  the  distance  of  three  thousand 
miles,  pay  the  expence  of  the  exports  and  imports,  and 
obtain  the  cloth  at  two  thirds  the  price  we  could  make 
it  at  home. 

It  will  not  do  at  present  for  the  husbandman  and  the 
manufacturer  to  live  beside  each  other.  It  is  starvation 
that  promotes  the  British  manufactories.  And  where  is 
the  poor  man  in  America  that  is  reduced  to  such  a  state  of 
wretchedness  as  to  be  willing  to  work  for  a  shilling  a  day, 
and  let  his  family  suffer,  so  long  as  we  have  millions  of 
acres  of  uncultivated  land,  sufficient  to  afford  a  comforta- 
ble support  to  ten  thousand  times  the  number  of  poor  fa- 
milies we  have  among  us. 

But  oft  times  a  man  will  plead  the  propriety  of  his  fa- 
vorite system,  although  his  watchful  eye  may  discover  its 
defects,  and  his  better  judgment  point  him  out  a  better 
mode.  Like  a  country  traveller  who  missed  his  road,  and 
had  good  reason  to  suspect  he  was  going  wrong ;  but  being 
possessed  of  a  stubborn  disposition,  and  having  a  great 
opinion  of  his  own  knowledge,  would  not  fully  embrace 
an  idea  of  his  committing  an  error,  but  pursued  his  course, 
till  convinced  by  occular  demonstration,  and  found  him- 
self far  out  of  the  way. 

Nor  was  the  man  less  culpable,  who,  in  time  of  the 
revolution  sold  his  farm  for  paper  money,  determining  to 


25 


lay  it  up  till  it  should  become  equal  in  value  to  silver  or 
gold ;  and  though  dissuaded  therefrom  by  all  his  best 
friends,  he  turned  a  deaf  ear  to  their  good  advice,  and  thro' 
his  own  obstinacy  brought  himself  and  family  to  extreme 
poverty. 

And  for  want  of  that  consideration  that  every  man 
ought  to  embrace,  the  late  purchasers  of  the  numerous 
cargoes  of  Marino  sheep,  have  abundantly  burnt  their 
fingers.  The  man  who  gave  1500  dollars  for  a  single 
Marino,  has  doubtless  a  thousand  times  wished  his  money 
again  in  his  pocket  and  the  old  ram  back  to  Lisbon  :  and 
he  who  gave  6000  dollars  for  six  of  them,  will  not  see  the 
interest  of  his  money.  A  folly  for  a  man  to  impoverish 
himself  in  order  to  promote  the  prosperity  of  the  nation. 

I  have  nothing  to  say  against  the  importation  or  rearing 
of  sheep  ;  I  wish  our  farms  were  stocked  Avith  ten  times 
their  number.  And  if  our  arrivals  from  Dublin,  Belfast 
and  Londonderry,  afforded  a  stock  equally  as  peaceable 
and  profitable  as  those  from  Lisbon,  it  would  conduce  not 
a  little  to  the  happiness  of  our  country. 



CHAPTER  III. 

The  Corporation  of  the  city  of  New-York  must  not 
feel  grieved  that  their  character  was  not  exhibited  in  some 
more  conspicuous  place ;  each  one  to  whom  I  have  addres- 
sed myself,  could,  with  almost  equal  propriety,  lay  claim 
to  this  pre-eminence,  which  I  could  confer  upon  only  one ; 
and  as  it  is  never  too  late  to  do  good,  I  now  take  up  my 
pen  in  order  to  assert  that 

D 


26 


Scarce  a  better  code  of  laws  can  possibly  be  enacted, 
than  is  ordained  and  published  every  year  by  the  Common 
Council  of  this  city ;  and  yet,  like  the  ostrich  that  leaves 
her  egg  in  the  sand  to  be  animated  by  the  influence  of  the 
sun,  or  crushed  to  atoms  by  the  foot  of  the  traveller,  they, 
for  want  of  that  energy  that  is  requisite  on  all  such  occa- 
sions, and  which  alone  can  make  themselves  respectable 
and  their  laws  useful,  calmly  submit  to  the  will  of  the  cit- 
izens at  large,  to  execute  them  without  reward,  or  break 
them  with  impunity :  in  a  word,  their  zeal  for  the  execu- 
tion of  their  laws  is  like  children's  play,  and  may  with  pro- 
priety be  compared  to  Jonah's  gourd,  that  came  up  in  a 
night  and  perished  in  a  night. 

Sometimes  they  take  a  fresh  start  as  if  they  were  going 
to  do  great  things  j  the  handbills  are  posted  up,  and  thus 
reads  the  newspapers :  Be  it  enacted  by  the  Mayor,  Alder- 
men, and  Commonality  of  the  city  of  New-York,  in  Com- 
mon Council  convened,  &c.  &c.  and  twenty -five  dollars  fine 
for  a  breach  of  this  law ;  and  for  one  or  two  Sabbaths  the 
little  boys  dare  neither  play  ball  nor  shoot  marbles,  for 
fear  of  being  taken  up  and  carried  off.  But  the  bustle, 
like  a  fire  of  shavings,  is  quickly  over,  and  proves  nothing 
more  than  a  "  nine  days  wonder,"  when  our  rulers  be- 
come as  cool  as  cucumbers,  and  return  again  to  their  old 
tracks. 

Some  grocers  swear  they  will  trade  Sundays,  and  the 
authority  may  help  themselves  as  they  can :  and  when 
they  cjrisider  themselves  exposed  to  danger  will  close 
their  front  door,  and  the  buyer  must  pass  in  at  the  back 
door,  or  through  the  alley  ;  and  so  they  screen  themselves 
from  the  public  eye.    But  these  hypocritical  cases  are  but 


27 


solitary,  and  the  more  general  custom  is  to  be  barefaced. 
about  the  matter,  and  keep  open  their  front  doors  as  an 
invitation  to  their  neighbors  to  come  and  buy. 

Thus  they,  out  of  choice,  stay  from  church  to  tend  their 
stores ;  and  neglect  the  soul  to  provide  for  the  body. 

There  are  others  again,  who  would  willingly  submit  to 
the  laws  if  they  were  indiscriminately  enforced.  If  I  was 
so  situated  that  I  must  either  trade  upon  the  Sabbath  or 
starve,  I  would  lay  all  the  blame  upon  the  Corporation.  For 
if  they  would  do  their  duty,  and  rigorously  enforce  their 
laws,  my  neighbour's  shop  would  be  shut  upon  the  Sab- 
bath, and  so  should  mine :  and  without  a  good  degree  of 
this  rigor,  neither  precept  nor  example  will  do  much 
good.  For  a  good  example  sat  by  a  few  conscientious  in- 
dividuals, does  nothing  towards  a  general  fulfilment  of  the 
law,  but  rather  encourages  its  violators.  An  acquaintance 
of  mine,  who  kept  a  grocery,  wishing  to  become  obedient 
to  the  laws,  closed  his  doors  for  several  Sabbaths  succes- 
sively, and  found  that  starvation  was  his  doom :  for  his  next 
neighbour  kept  open  doors,  and  was  in  a  fair  way  to  ob- 
tain the  whole  of  his  custom.  So  now  the  poor  man,  al- 
though he  offers  fifty  dollars  if  the  Corporation  would  en- 
force their  laws  against  Sabbath-breaking,  has  to  stay 
from  church  to  keep  from  starving. 

There  is  scarce  an  Alderman  in  this  city  that  can  pass 
from  his  dwelling-house  to  his  church  upon  the  Sabbath, 
without  beholding  a  violation  of  those  laws'  which  he  has 
voluntarily  instituted,  and  which  by  the  oath  of  his  office, 
he  is  solemnly  bound  to  enforce.  Strange  as  these  things 
may  appear,  they  are  no  more  strange  than  true ! 

The  mouth  of  many  a  man  is  wide  open  against  the  pec- 


28 


pie  of  London,  who,  at  the  custom-house  admit  oaths  and 
take  oaths,  which  they  all  know  to  be  false  at  the  very 
time.  But  we  can  generally  see  best  at  a  little  distance, 
otherwise  we  need  not  range  across  the  ocean  to  view  the 
depravity  of  our  European  brethren,  but  could  find  a  little 
of  the  same  corruption  in  our  own  land. 

But  what  can  be  done  to  remedy  this  growing  evil  ?  We 
know,  from  fatal  experience,  that  a  change  of  Charter  Of- 
ficers answers  us  no  good  purpose :  we  have,  therefore, 
good  reason  to  wish  for  a  long  continuance  of  our  present 
Mayor  and  Aldermen,  seeing  almost  every  set  we  get 
grows  worse  and  worse.  When  D.  W.  Clinton  was  in 
office,  Patrick  and  Jemmy  could  obtain  licence  for  the 
purpose  of  driving  a  cart,  without  taking  the  oath  of  alle- 
giance, and  no  questions  asked  as  to  their  citizenship, 
whether  they  were  Americans  or  foreigners,  but  "  here  is 
your  licence,  give  us  two  dollars."  I  applied  to  him  for 
license  for  an  acquaintance  of  mine,  then  living  in  the  coun- 
try, which  he  granted,  upon  my  paying  him  two  dollars  ; 
but  never  asked  me  whether  he  was  white  or  black. 

When  the  political  wheel  turned  over,  and  we  had  got- 
ten a  Federal  Council,  they  dropt  out  Esq.  Clinton,  and 
appointed  a  Mr.  Thompson,  of  Dutchess  County,  as  if 
there  was  not  a  man  in  the  city  of  New-York  qualified  for 
that  office.  This  raised  such  a  hedious  racket  amongst  the 
Yorkers,  that  the  Council  soon  re-called  the  appointment, 
and  conferred  it  on  one  of  our  citizens,  who,  like  many  oth- 
ers, made  a  very  good  beginning,  and  would  suffer  none  to 
drive  cans  but  American  citizens.  But,  agreeable  to  the 
old  adage,  "  All  is  well  that  ends  well,"  the  "  Town 
Bull,"  (as  Cheetharn  called  him)  added  one  hundred  new 


29 


cartmen  to  the  number  already  too  great,  and  thereby  al- 
most killed  them  with  kindness.  But  what  of  that  ?  Every 
such  imposition  brings  honey  to  the  hive,  and  helps  along 
towards  making  the  pot  boil.  Bui  the  mutability  of  our 
minds  is  such,  that  we  must  now  and  then  have  a  change, 
even  if  we  thereby  jump  out  of  the  frying-pan  into  the  fire. 
Not  much  unlike  to  our  women,  who  must  have  their  beds 
and  beaureaus  moved  from  place  to  place  about  once  or 
twice  a  year;  and  after  all  their  trouble  and  fatigue  are 
sometimes  best  suited  with  the  old  station.  Just  so  with 
our  political  wheel;  it  turned  upside  down  and  dropt  out 
the  old  Mayor;  downside  up,  and  dropt  out  the  Town 
Bull.  And  then,  as  if  it  would  amount  to  a  crime  to  miss 
of  promoting  one  of  the  Clinton  family,  already  made  rich, 
and  loaded  down  with  lucrative  offices,  the  Council  con- 
ferred their  usual  respects  upon  this  branch  of  the  fami- 
ly, and  placed  him  again  in  his  old  chair,  at  the  head  of 
the  Common  Council,  where  he  conducted  about  as  well 
as  any  of  them — made  good  laws  but  never  enforced  them. 

But  this  wheel,  like  the  globe  we  inhabit,  being  con- 
stantly upon  the  roll,  fairly  made  an  eruption  last  spring, 
like  Vesuvius  or  .^Etna,  and  emptied  itself  of  almost  ev- 
ery thing.  But  I  thought  then,  as  I  think  now,  that  they 
were  running  too  fast  for  their  own  party  interest,  or  the 
general  benefit  of  the  community.  For  I  never  was  of 
opinion,  that  barely  a  man's  politics  were  sufficient  to  ex- 
clude him  from  office,  so  long  as  he  discharged  the  duties 
incumbent  upon  him  in  a  manly  and  judicious  manner. 
Neither  am  I  of  opinion,  that  a  man  ought  to  have  any  of- 
fice of  honour,  profit,  or  power  conferred  upon  him,  for 
any  great  length  of  time,  so  as  he  become  very  rich  or 


so 


haughty  thereby,  so  long  as  there  are  others  duly  qualified 
to  succeed  him.  But  the  Federalists  of  this  state  had  got 
a  council  of  appointment  much  to  their  liking ;  who,  from 
the  brotherly  love  at  that  time  manifested  by  the  fluctua- 
ting Boston ians  and  others,  felt  themselves  as  strong  as 
lions,  and  went  on  Jehu-like,  bearing  down  all  opposition, 
and  conducted  pretty  much  like  <c  Sampson  with  a  Jaw- 
bone in  his  hand !"  So  they  gave  us  another  new  mayor, 
who,  upon  the  whole,  has  done  pretty  well,  only  he  has 
made  another  addition  to  the  number  of  our  cartmen,  as 
if  he  was  fully  determined  to  starve  them  all  to  death  ; 
but,  in  many  respects,  has  done  like  his  predecessors,  made 
good  laws,  and  had  them  published  in  the  newspapers, 
and  posted  upon  the  corners  of  the  houses,  so  that  every 
man  might  read  for  himself,  learn  his  duty,  and  then  take 
his  choice  to  obey  or  let  it  alone. 

This  being  done,  they  proceeded  with  quite  too  much 
rigor  to  make  their  other  new  appointments ;  and  while 
following  the  bad  examples  of  their  opponents,  were  set- 
ting the  like  bad  examples  for  them  again,  who  will  cer- 
tainly retaliate,  and  in  their  turn  pay  them  in  their  own 
coin.  Too  much  energy  is  not  good  ;  many  a  man  in- 
jures himself  by  striking  too  hard  at  his  enemy,  and  mod- 
eration always  ought  to  be  exercised,  where  the  nature  of 
the  case  will  any  way  admit  of  it. 

Our  divisions  will  never  subside  so  long  as  our  Council 
is  striving  to  promote  one  party  at  the  downfal  of  the 
other.  I  think  we  may  thank  them  for  at  least  one  half 
of  the  discord  there  is  among  us. 

Let  a  ma  i  be  ever  so  bad,  if  his  politics  are  but  right, 
and  he  possessed  of  "  correct  principles,"  this  alone  is  suf- 


31 


iicient  to  entitle  him  to  an  office,  and  at  all  hazards  in  he 
must  go.  Upon  the  other  hand,  be  a  man  ever  so  honest 
and  upright,  and  well  qualified  to  discharge  the  duties  of 
an  office,  he  must  be  rejected  upon  the  bare  principle  of  his 
deviating  a  little  from  the  opinion  of  those  whose  opinion  is 
no  better  than  his. 

That  part  of  their  conduct  which  I  conceive  the  most 
reprehensible,  and  for  which  I  think  they  ought  to  blush, 
was  their  appointing  a  man  to  the  honorable  and  lucrative 
office  of  county  clerk,  who,  in  time  of  the  revolution  was 
in  the  habit  of  plundering  the  peaceable  inhabitants  of  his 
neighborhood,  and  collecting  what  was  called  the  "  Black 
rate" — which  rate  the  law  knew  nothing  of,  and  which 
practice,  being  unauthorized  by  law,  was  no  better  than 
robbing  or  stealing. 

This  same  man  had  formerly  been  appointed  to  the  same 
office  by  the  opposite  party  at  the  expulsion  of  as  respecta- 
ble a  man  as  that  county  could  produce ;  one  who  for  ma- 
ny years  had  faithfully  discharged  the  duties  of  that  office. 

But  policy,  (of  which  our  council  never  fails  to  have  a 
good  share)  frequently  supersedes  the  administration  of 
justice,  which,  in  this  case,  ought  to  have  been  administer- 
ed towards  the  old  clerk,  by  restoring  him  to  his  old  office ; 
unless  rejected  from  a  consideration  that  he  had  already 
become  sufficiently  rich,  or  upon  the  assignment  of  any 
other  good  reason. 

But  this  same  black-rate  collector  had  now  changed  his 
sentiments  and  become  as  good  a  federal  as  need  be.  For 
you  know  there  is  a  kind  of  tree-toad,  that  always  changes 
its  appearance  according  to  the  color  of  the  tree  on  which 
it  lives  :  and  there  are  some  greedy  office-hunters  who 


32 


would  change  their  politics  as  often  as  the  moon  changes, 
if  it  would  but  be  a  means  of  their  promotion. 

As  to  this  collector,  who  has  been  thus  promoted  and 
made  a  kind  of  tool  of  by  both  parties,  for  whose  sake  men 
of  respectability  must  be  turned  out  of  office ;  our  Council 
either  did  know  his  character,  or  ought  to  have  known  it : 
and  in  either  case  they  were  extremely  culpable,  and 
might  with  as  great  propriety  have  appointed  the  rankest 
British  tory  or  Nova  Scotia-man  they  could  have  found 
in  the  land. 

I  am,  however,  not  without  a  sincere  belief  that  a  bad 
man  may  become  a  good  one. 

But  this  change  from  bad  to  good,  cannot,  in  my  opinion, 
be  fully  effected,  let  the  outward  deportment  be  ever  so  up- 
right, without  sincere  repentance,  manifested  by  a  good 
four-fold  gospel  restitution.  "  If  a  man  shall  steal  an  ox 
"  or  a  sheep,  and  kill  it  or  sell  it ;  he  shall  restore  five 
"  oxen  for  an  ox,  and  four  sheep  for  a  sheep."  Exodus 
xxii.  1.  And  wherever  this  is  wanting,  let  people's  pre- 
tentions be  what  they  may,  I  believe  there  is  nothing  but 
the  laws  of  the  land  restrains  them  from  the  like  vicious 
practices,  and  a  repetition  of  the  same  abominations. 

In  former  days  highway  robbery  was  punished  with 
death:  the  same  by  house-roobery  and  field-robbery, 
which  I  suppose  is  not  much  better.  But  of  late  years 
our  laws  are  more  favorable  to  offenders,  and  they  can  al- 
most sin  with  impunity ;  so  that  many  a  guilty  man  es- 
capes the  punishment  justly  due  for  his  offences.  And  be- 
eause  he  is  rich,  or  a  good  politician,  is  held  up  by  the  chin, 
when,  in  fact,  he  ought  to  be  held  up  by  the  neck.  We 
do  not  often  speak  of  these  things,  but  are  willing  to  let 
our  friends  know  we  have  not  forgotten  them. 


S3 


But  I  said  a  bad  man  might  become  a  good  one;  mighv 
see  the  error  of  hi3  ways  and  reform.  And  this  will  apply 
not  only  to  the  fraudulent  and  dishonest,  to  thieves  and 
plunderers,  but  likewise  to  those,  who,  in  time  of  the  re- 
volution were  so  devoid  of  information,  and  so  blind  to 
their  own  interest  as  to  entertain,  for  a  long  time,  a  strong 
attachment  toward  the  British  government,  and  wish  them 
good  success,  even  at  the  downfal  of  our  own  country. 
For  I  believe  there  are  many,  even  of  those,  who  were  in 
time  of  the  war,  inveterate  enemies  to  the  county,  and 
wished  with  ardent  desire  for  Britain  to  obtain  a  conquest 
and  again  spread  her  government  over  this  land,  have  since 
been  brought  to  see  their  error — become  true  Americans 
in  heart  and  life — grieve  at  the  thoughts  of  their  former 
blindness,  and  are  thankful  for  the  privileges  we  enjoy  as 
a  free  and  independent  nation. 

But  it  is  not  only  the  county  to  which  I  allude  that  has 
thus  groaned  under  the  afflicting  hand  of  a  corrupt  Coun- 
cil, but  the  whole  state  of  New -York  likewise. 

Let  us  view  a  duel-fighter  placed  by  this  honourable  bo- 
dy upon  the  supreme  bench,  at  whose  tribunal  a  malefac- 
tor is  arraigned  and  found  guilty.  There  for  one  murderer 
to  give  sentence  of  death  upon  another,  when,  in  fact, 
they  ought  to  be  considered  by  every  impartial  man  both 
alike  guilty !  With  but  little  more  than  this  difference, 
that  one,  by  having  good  friends,  was  held  up  by  the  chin, 
while  the  other,  for  want  of  goods  friends,  must  receive 
sentence  from  the  lips  of  his  brother ;  be  dragged  to  the 
gallows,  and  there  suffer  alone,  when  he  was  as  much  en- 
titled to  company  as  the  thief  upon  the  cross. 

Some  of  my  readers  will  doubtless  recollect  when  this 
E 


S4 


duel-fighter,  (the  best  name  I  can  give  him)  presided  6v6r 
a  circuit  court  at  the  White  Plains,  where  there  was  a 

very  lengthy  trial  between  D  P — -  and  S  W  . 

The  latter  had  accused  the  former  of  perjury,  for  which 
great  damages  were  demanded.  The  testimonies  and 
pleadings  being  at  an  end,  it  became  the  duty  of  this  prime 
marksman  to  give  the  jury  a  charge.  And  as  he  had  been 
much  accustomed  to  charging  and  discharging,  the  pre- 
sent one  was  a  charge  with  a  witness  to  it:  as  if  a  cannon 
should  be  filled  with  powder  to  the  very  muzzle,  leaving 
no  room  for  the  ball  or  any  thing  else  of  a  solid  nature. 
So  that,  in  the  present  case,  there  was  not  so  much  execu- 
tion done  as  on  some  former  occasions.  The  event  fully 
proves  my  assertion  to  be  true ;  for  after  the  explosion,  all 
evaporated  in  the  open  air,  as  may  be  fully  seen  by  th# 
deaf  ear  of  the  jurors,  and  the  little  respect  they  paid  to  his 
charge.  It  is  true,  he  did  not  tell  them  point  blank, 
*-  You  must  and  shall  bring  in  large  and  heavy  damages  for 
"  the  plaintiff;"  but  language  very  much  like  it. 

Whether  his  patience  was  entirely  exhausted  by  his 
long  sitting,  or  whether  it  was  his  wish  to  crush  his  politi- 
cal opponent  entirely  under  foot,  or  what  other  motive  he 
had  in  almost  giving  judgment  before  he  sent  out  the  jury, 
is  not  for  me  to  say.  But  to  the  credit  of  that  honorable 
body  be  it  spoken,  they  acted  like  men  possessed  of  an 
independent  judgment,  having  an  opinion  of  their  own. 
Whether  they  considered  this  great  judge  as  corrupt  a  man 
as  I  have  sat  him  out  to  be — whether  they  viewed  him 
with  a  pistol  in  his  hand  and  malice  in  his  heart,  driving  a 
ball  through  the  vital  3  of  his  fellow-mortals,  or  only  stark 
ing  up  from  his  judicial  bench  with  imperious  authority, 


35 


almost  commanding  them  to  bring  in  large  and  heavy  damr 
ages;  or  whatever  else  could  embolden  them  to  commit  so 
great  a  crime,  as  to  pay  so  little  regard  to  so  pointed  a 
•harge,  I  cannot  tell ;  but  believe  they  were  actuated  by 
a  disposition  to  do  justice  between  man  and  man.  So,  in- 
stead of  returning  with  a  verdict  of  ten  thousand  dollars  for 
the  plaintiff,  they  brought  in  only  twenty-five! 

I  do  not  undertake  to  say  how  far,  in  this  case,  the  de* 
fendant  substantiated  his  charge,  nor  how  far  he  was  culpa- 
ble for  making  a  declaration  which  he  could  not  fully  sub*- 
stantiate ;  but  I  give  great  credit  to  the  jury  for  giving  so 
little  attention  to  their  judge,  who,  I  believe,  was  more 
mortified  at  their  verdict  than  either  of  the  contending  par^ 
ties. 

Well  would  it  be  for  us,  if  our  Legislative  and  executive 
bodies  were  made  up  of  men  like  these;  who,  from  awisk 
to  administer  justice,  lay  aside  every  kind  of  party  spirit* 
and  impartially  execute  that  equality  which  our  neigh- 
bours (let  our  difference  in  opinion  be  as  they  may)  have 
a  good  right  to  expect  and  demand  of  us  and  We  of  them. 

Had  the  conduct  of  this  imperious  judge  been  regulated 
by  this  rule,  he  would  have  saved  me  the  trouble  of  pointing 
my  pen  at  his  matchless  partiality.  Indeed,  was  this  rule 
univerally  adopted  for  the  regulation  of  our  conduct,  it 
would  contribute  not  a  little  towards  our  credit  as  indivi* 
duals,  and  place  us  upon  the  very  pinnacle  of  national 
honour, 


36 


CHAPTER  IV. 

Among  the  many  glaring  inconsistencies  and  gross  ab- 
surdities propagated  by  human  industry,  there  is  none  that 
overtops  that  doctrine  properly  denominated  Antinomian, 
but  zealously  advocated  by  some  religious  professors  of 
another  name.    For  they  will  sometimes  give  a  gen- 
eral invitation,  and  call  upon  all  men  every  where  to  re- 
pent.   And  tell  them  the  wages  of  sin  is  death,  and  point 
out  their  duty  towards  God  and  man,  saying,  "  This  is  the 
"  way,  walk  ye  in  it,"  Isaiah  xxx.  &1 .    And  at  other  times 
keH  them  they  can  do  nothing,  and  hold  forth  their  new 
fangled  doctrine  of  particular  election  and  reprobation, 
with  as  much  zeal  (apparently)  as  if  it  had  been  authenti- 
cated by  an  angel  from  the  celestial  regions.  But  we  ought 
not  to  find  much  fault  with  a  predestinarian  for  now  and 
then  manifesting  an  inconsistency  with  himself,  by  preach- 
ing free  grace,  and  giving  a  general  invitation  to  sinners  to 
repent  and  turn  to  the  Lord.    A  drunkard  is  not  to  be 
blamed  for  staggering ;  and  a  child  when  corrected  ought 
to  be  allowed  the  privilege  of  crying :  And  by  the  same 
rule  we  hardly  ought  to  contradict  those  men,  although 
ihey  frequently  contradict  themselves ;  but  allow  them 
to  step  a  little  over  their  own  bounds ;  for  otherwise  (they 
have  so  little  elbow  room,  and  the  ground  on  which  they 
stand  is  so  narrow  that)  the  very  best  of  them  would  be 
puzzled  to  get  along.    One  of  them  publicly  exhorted  his 
hearers,  that  if  they  would  wish  to  get  God's  blessings  en- 
tailed upon  their  posterit}^,  to  train  up  their  children  in  a 
moral  and  religious  way !  But  another  of  their  most  re- 


37 


spectable  preachers,*  not  quite  so  pliable  in  his  manner, 
addressed  his  audience  in  language  like  this :  "  There  was 
"  sin  enough  in  the  very  best  prayer  I  ever  made,  to  damn 
'c  not  only  my  own  soul  and  this  whole  congregation,  but 
<c  likewise  to  sink  the  whole  human  family  to  the  infernal 
u  regions,  there  to  endure  the  torments  of  hell  forever !" 

Now  I  would  not  interrogate  Mr.  P  ,  and  ask  him 

why  he  persists  in  the  abominable  practice  of  praying  such 
sinful  prayers  ?  For  I  very  well  know  what  his  answer 
would  be,  that  he  "  cannot  help  it and  upon  no  other 
than  this  principle  would  I  consider  him  free  from  blame : 
But  would  rather  ask  you,  Sir,  if  your  prayers  were  all 
alike  bad,  (there  can  be  no  best  in  the  case)  whence  then 
the  propriety  of  intimating  that  one  is  better  than  another  ? 

Upon  the  other  hand,  if  there  is  any  difference,  some  of 
them  not  quite  so  bad  as  others,  who  dare  be  so  bold  as  to 
point  out  the  difference,  and  say  such  an  one  is  good  for 
something,  and  such  good  for  nothing  ?  Much  less  to  as- 
sert that  the  very  best  is  bud  enough  to  sink  the  world  to 
hell! 

But  it  is  common  for  good  men  to  think  the  worst  of 
themselves  and  their  performances :  Charity  would  there- 
lore  incline  me  to  believe  you  to  be  not  near  so  bad  as  you 
think  for. 

But  this  miserable  doctrine  of  You  can  and  you  earth 
appears  the  less  odious  for  its  being  the  more  familiar. 
And  its  propagators  make  themselves  appear  as  ridiculous 
as  the  booksellers  in  Maiden-lane,  who  would  fain  make 
every  body  believe  that  every  lottery  ticket  purchased  at 

*HEV.  MR.  p  . 


38 


any  oCher  office  would  come  out  blank,  and  those  sold  by 
them  would  most  assuredly  each  draw  a  prize  of  twenty- 
five  thousand  dollars. 

When  taking  a  view  of  the  hand-bills  posted  up  at  the 
corner  of  almost  every  block  throughout  the  city,  and  ca» 
see  little  else  but,  "Lucky  Lottery  Office  of  G.  SC  B. 
Waiie"  I  am  led  to  ask,  Are  these  men  fools,  or  do  they 
think  every  body  else  so  ?"  For  they  hold  up  the  idea* 
that  if  a  man  has  eight  or  ten  dollars  to  spare,  he  has  noth- 
ing to  do  but  to  call  at  No.  64  or  38  Maiden-lane,  lay  out 
his  money  for  a  ticket,  and  he  is  as  sure  of  a  fortune  as  if 
he  had  it  already  in  his  pocket.  Not  a  chimney  sweep  in 
the  city  that  would  be  influenced  by  their  publications,  but 
rather  point  the  finger  and  laugh  at  those  who  make  them- 
selves appear  so  much  like  little  children. 

There  are  other  religious  tenets  much  more  agreeable  to 
the  scripture,  propagated  by  men  of  zeal  and  integrity,  who 
do  much  honor  to  the  cause  in  which  they  are  engaged,  and 
deserve  credit  for  their  indefatigable  diligence  and  great  as- 
siduity in  striving  to  promote  the  well  being  of  mankind.  It 
is  our  duty  to  hold  these  worthy  men,  and  many  of  their  fol- 
lowers in  high  esteem.  But,  (lamentable  to  say)  there  are 
some  of  their  followers  who  have  too  much  sail  for  their 
ballast.  And  I  think,  sometimes  manifest  more  zeal  than 
they  really  possess.  Or,  to  speak  more  cautiously,  they 
possess  a  zeal,  but  not  according  to  knowledge,  Rom.  x.  2. 
who  will  almost  go  through  fire  and  water  to  attend  to  the 
outward  means  of  grace,  whose  gestures  in  time  of  devo- 
tion are  extremely  disgusting ;  and  by  whose  side  a  person 
possessed  of  a  common  degree  of  moderation  cannot  sit 
wj  thout  being  disturbed  by  their  wild-fire.    Some  gracious 


39 


minded  people  have  frequently  been  robbed  of  the  com- 
fortable exercises  of  their  minds  by  the  stamping  and  slap- 
ing  and  hooting  of  those  who  appear  as  if  they  thought  re- 
ligion consisted  entirely  in  noise  and  racket  and  hubbub, 
Pitty  but  they  could  view  themselves  with  an  impartial 
eye  before  a  looking-glass,  and  be  made  ashamed  of  such 
silly  conduct. 

For  they  not  only  bring  a  disgrace  upon  themselves, 
which  they  justly  deserve,  but  likewise  upon  the  more 
respectable  and  worthy  members  with  whom  they  are 
connected.  When  I  go  to  a  house  of  devotion,  I  wish  to 
hear  what  may  be  said ;  but  when  the  voice  of  the  speaker 
is  obstructed  by  the  clamors  of  the  clamorous,  I  could 
wish  myself  at  home.  But  this  they  call  the  "  power  of 
God."  Quite  too  good  a  name  for  so  enthusiastic  an  ex- 
ercise. Let  me  die  the  death  of  the  righteous,  and  let  my 
last  end  be  like  his ;  but  let  me  always  be  kept  by  the 
**  power  of  God"  from  such  sottish  extremes  as  are  ex- 
hibited by  those,  who  seem  as  if  they  cared  for  nothing  but 
a  present  enjoyment  of  these  perishable  flights  of  transito- 
ry comfort.  It  is  some  relief  for  a  sick  person  to  groan ; 
and  it  is  equally  as  natural  for  a  man  in  trouble  to  vent 
his  grief  with  a  sigh ;  but  for  one  to  walk  hi  the  light  of 
his  own  fire,  and  compass  himself  about  with  sparks  of 
his  own  kindling,  he  need  promise  himself  no  better  re- 
ward than  to  lie  down  in  sorrow. 

These  light-headed  boys  (for  such  in  fact  they  are, 
whether  old  or  young)  must  be  seen  and  heard  above  ev- 
ery body  else — choose  the  "  uppermost  seats  in  the  syna- 
gogues," and  are  fond  of  "  greetings  in  the  market  plan 
ess."    Their  minds  are  no  ways  susceptible  of  the  most 


40 


gentle  reproof;  but  their  own  way  is  best:  "  It  is  not 
right  to  restrain  the  poivtr  of  God" — So  there  is  none  so 
deaf  as  those  that  won't  hear  ;  and  it  is  of  no  use  to  offer 
spectacles  to  a  man  that  jys  blind. 

Some  attend  the  house  of  public  devotion  to  see  and  be 
seen  ;  and  for  that  purpose  are  sure  always  to  place  them- 
selves in  some  conspicuous  situation  answerable  to  their 
corrupt  views.  Others  go  to  hear  and  be  hearcl,  and  will 
not  fail  to  give  a  hearty  Amen  at  the  middle,  and  some- 
times at  the  very  beginning  of  a  sentence,  before  it  is  pos- 
sible for  the  most  discerning  person  in  the  world  to  form 
the  least  idea  of  what  is  going  to  be  said.  Such  singular- 
ities ought  always  to  be  avoided,  (and  will,  be  by  every 
well-informed  person)  for  they  only  tend  to  attract  the  at- 
tention of  the  people,  and  draw  their  minds  from  a  better 
employment. 

But  any  thing  to  give  vent  to  their  wonderful  zeal ; 
and  wherein  the  tongue  falls  short  of  this,  the  hand,  and 
sometimes  the  foot,  must  be  engaged  in  the  same  employ- 
ment :  and  thus  they  strain  their  lungs  and  limbs  for 
but  little  other  purpose  than  to  be  heard,  or  to  say  the  best 
we  can,  to  give  vent  to  that  extravagant  zeal,  which  had 
much  better  be  restrained  than  vented,  to  the  entire  sub- 
version of  Christian  decorum  and  all  good  order. 

If  by  preaching  or  praying,  or  any  other  means  of  grace, 
tempered  with  a  due  proportion  of  gospel  zeal,  sinners,  by 
thousands,  were  pricked  to  the  heart,  and  constrained  to 
cry  aloud  for  mercy,  and  enquire  what  they  should  do  to 
be  saved ;  or  pious  Christians  constrained  to  raise  their 
voices  with  their  hearts,  I  should  be  highly  gratified  at  the 
sight ;  and  think,  in  such  a  case,  every  laborer  in  the 


3S 


But  I  said  a  bad  man  might  become  a  good  one;  might 
see  the  error  of  his  ways  and  reform.  And  this  will  apply 
not  only  to  the  fraudulent  and  dishonest,  to  thieves  and 
plunderers,  but  likewise  to  those,  who,  in  time  of  the  re- 
volution were  so  devoid  of  information,  and  so  blind  to 
their  own  interest  as  to  entertain,  for  a  long  time,  a  strong 
attachment  toward  the  British  government,  and  wish  them 
good  success,  even  at  the  downfal  of  our  own  country, 
For  I  believe  there  are  many,  even  of  those,  who  were  in 
time  of  the  war,  inveterate  enemies  to  the  country,  and 
wished  with  ardent  desire  for  Britain  to  obtain  a  conquest 
and  again  spread  her  government  over  this  land,  have  since 
been  brought  to  see  their  error — become  true  Americans 
in  heart  and  life — grieve  at  the  thoughts  of  their  former 
blindness,  and  are  thankful  for  the  privileges  we  enjoy  as 
a  free  and  independent  nation. 

But  it  is  not  only  the  county  to  which  I  allude  that  has 
thus  groaned  under  the  afflicting  band  of  a  corrupt  Coun- 
cil, but  the  whole  state  of  New-York  likewise. 

Let  us  view  a  duel-fighter  placed  by  this  honourable  bo* 
dy  upon  the  supreme  bench,  at  whose  tribunal  a  malefac- 
tor is  arraigned  and  found  guilty.  There  for  one  murderer 
to  give  sentence  of  death  upon  another,  when,  in  fact, 
they  ought  to  be  considered  by  every  impartial  man  both 
alike  guilty  I  With  but  little  more  than  this  difference, 
that  one,  by  having  good  friends,  was  held  up  by  the  chin, 
while  the  other,  for  want  of  goods  friends,  must  receive 
sentence  from  the  lips  of  his  brother;  be  dragged  to  the 
gallows,  and  there  suffer  alone,  when  he  was  as  much  en- 
titled to  company  as  the  thief  upon  the  cross. 

Some  of  my  readers  will  doubtless  recollect  when  this 
E 


34 


duel-fighter,  (the  best  name  I  can  give  him)  presided  over 
a  circuit  court  at  the  White  Plains,  where  there  was  a 

very  lengthy  trial  between  D  P — -  and  S        W  . 

The  latter  had  accused  the  former  of  perjury,  for  which 
great  damages  were  demanded.  The  testimonies  and 
pleadings  being  at  an  end,  it  became  the  duty  of  this  prime 
marksman  to  give  the  jury  a  charge.  And  as  he  had  been 
much  accustomed  to  charging  and  discharging,  the  pre- 
sent one  was  a  charge  with  a  witness  to  it:  as  if  a  cannon 
should  be  filled  with  powder  to  the  very  muzzle,  leaving 
no  room  for  the  ball  or  any  thing  else  of  a  solid  nature. 
So  that,  in  the  present  case,  there  was  not  so  much  execu- 
tion done  as  on  some  former  occasions.  The  event  fully 
proves  my  assertion  to  be  true ;  for  after  the  explosion,  all 
evaporated  in  the  open  air,  as  may  be  fully  seen  by  the 
deaf  ear  of  the  jurors,  and  the  little  respect  they  paid  to  his 
charge.  It  is  true,  he  did  not  tell  them  point  blank, 
"  You  must  and  shall  bring  in  large  and  heavy  damages  for 
"  the  plaintiff;"  but  language  very  much  like  it. 

Whether  his  patience  was  entirely  exhausted  by  his 
long  sitting,  or  whether  it  was  his  wish  to  crush  his  politi- 
cal opponent  entirely  under  foot,  or  what  other  motive  he 
had  in  almost  giving  judgment  before  he  sent  out  the  jury, 
is  not  for  me  to  say.  But  to  the  credit  of  that  honorable 
body  be  it  spoken,  they  acted  like  men  possessed  of  an 
independent  judgment,  having  an  opinion  of  their  own. 
Whether  they  considered  this  great  judge  as  corrupt  a  man 
as  I  have  sat  him  out  to  be — whether  they  viewed  him 
with  a  pistol  in  his  hand  and  malice  in  his  heart,  driving  a 
ball  through  the  vitals  of  his  fellow-mortals,  or  only  start* 
ingup  from  his  judicial  bench  with  imperious  authority, 


35 


almost  commanding  them  to  bring  in  large  and  heavy  dam- 
ages; or  whatever  else  could  embolden  them  to  commit  so 
great  a  crime,  as  to  pay  so  little  regard  to  so  pointed  a 
charge,  I  cannot  tell ;  but  believe  they  were  actuated  by 
a  di  position  to  do  justice  between  man  and  man.  So,  in- 
stead of  returning  with  a  verdict  of  ten  thousand  dollars  for 
the  plaintiff,  they  brought  in  only  twenty-five ! 

I  do  not  undertake  to  say  how  far,  in  this  case,  the  de- 
fendant substantiated  his  charge,  nor  how  far  he  was  culpa- 
ble for  making  a  declaration  which  he  could  not  fully  sub- 
stantiate ;  but  I  give  great  credit  to  the  jury  for  giving  so 
little  attention  to  their  judge,  who,  I  believe,  was  more 
mortified  at  their  verdict  than  either  of  the  contending  par- 
ties. 

Well  would  it  be  for  us,  if  our  Legislative  and  executive 
bodies  were  made  up  of  men  like  these;  who,  from  a  wish 
to  administer  justice,  lay  aside  every  kind  of  party  spirit, 
and  impartially  execute  that  equality  which  our  neigh- 
bours (let  our  difference  in  opinion  be  as  they  may)  have 
a  good  right  to  expect  and  demand  of  us  and  we  of  them. 

Had  the  conduct  of  this  imperious  judge  been  regulated 
by  this  rule,  he  would  have  saved  me  the  trouble  of  pointing 
my  pen  at  his  matchless  partiality.  Indeed,  was  this  rule 
univerally  adopted  for  the  regulation  of  our  conduct,  it 
would  contribute  not  a  little  towards  our  credit  as  indivi- 
duals, and  place  us  upon  the  very  pinaacle  of  national 
honour. 


36 


CHAPTER  nr. 

Among  the  many  glaring  inconsistencies  and  gross  ab- 
surdities propagated  by  human  industry,  there  is  none  that 
overtops  that  doctrine  properly  denominated  Antinomian, 
but  zealously  advocated  by  some  religious  professors  of 
another  name.    For  they  will  sometimes  give  a  gen- 
eral invitation,  and  call  upon  all  men  everywhere  to  re- 
pent.   And  tell  them  the  wages  of  sin  is  death,  and  point 
out  their  duty  towards  God  and  man,  saying,  "  This  is  the 
"  way,  walk  ye  in  it,"  Isaiah  xxx.  2 1 .    And  at  other  times 
tell  them  they  can  do  nothing,  and  hold  forth  their  new 
fangled  doctrine  of  particular  election  and  reprobation, 
with  as  much  zeal  (apparently)  as  if  it  had  been  authenti- 
cated by  an  angel  from  the  celestial  regions.  But  we  ought 
not  to  find  much  fault  with  a  predestinarian  for  now  and 
then  manifesting  an  inconsistency  with  himself,  by  preach- 
ing free  grace,  and  giving  a  general  invitation  to  sinners  to 
repent  and  turn  to  the  Lord.    A  drunkard  is  not  to  be 
blamed  for  staggering ;  and  a  child  when  corrected  ought 
to  be  allowed  the  privilege  of  crying :  And  by  the  same 
rule  we  hardly  ought  to  contradict  those  men,  although 
they  frequently  contradict  themselves ;  but  allow  them 
to  step  a  little  over  their  own  bounds ;  for  otherwise  (they 
have  so  little  elbow  room,  and  the  ground  on  which  they 
stand  is  so  narrow  that)  the  very  best  of  them  would  be- 
puzzled to  get  along.    One  of  them  publicly  exhorted  his 
hearers,  that  if  they  would  wish  to  get  God's  blessings  en- 
tailed upon  their  posterity,  to  train  up  their  children  in  a 
moral  and  religious  way !  But  another  of  their  most  re- 


37 


spectable  preachers,^  not  quite  so  pliable  in  his  manner, 
addressed  his  audience  in  language  like  this :  "  There  was 
a  sin  enough  in  the  very  best  prayer  I  ever  made,  to  damn 
"  not  only  my  own  soul  and  this  whole  congregation,  but 
"  likewise  to  sink  the  whole  human  family  to  the  infernal 
?  regions,  there  to  endure  the  torments  of  hell  forever !" 

Now  I  would  not  interrogate  Mr.  P  ,  and  ask  him 

why  he  persists  in  the  abominable  practice  of  praying  such 
sinful  prayers  ?  For  I  very  well  know  what  his  answer 
would  be,  that  he  "  cannot  help  it and  upon  no  other 
than  this  principle  would  I  consider  him  free  from  blame : 
But  would  rather  ask  you,  Sir,  if  your  prayers  were  all 
alike  bad,  (there  can  be  no  best  in  the  case)  whence  then 
the  propriety  of  intimating  that  one  is  better  than  another  ? 

Upon  the  other  hand,  if  there  is  any  difference,  some  of 
them  not  quite  so  bad  as  others,  who  dare  be  so  bold  as  to 
point  out  the  difference,  and  say  such  an  one  is  good  for 
something,  and  such  good  for  nothing  ?  Much  less  to  as- 
sert that  the  very  best  is  bad  enough  to  sink  the  world  to 
hell! 

But  it  is  common  for  good  men  to  think  the  worst  of 
themselves  and  their  performances :  Charity  would  there- 
fore incline  me  to  believe  you  to  be  not  near  so  bad  as  you 
think  for. 

But  this  miserable  doctrine  of  You  can  and  you  carii^ 
appears  the  less  odious  for  its  being  the  more  familiar. 
And  its  propagators  make  themselves  appear  as  ridiculous 
as  the  booksellers  in  Maiden-lane,  who  would  fain  make 
every  body  believe  that  every  lottery  ticket  purchased  at 

*rev.  mr.  r  . 


38 


any  other  office  would  come  out  blank,  and  those  sold  by 
them  would  most  assuredly  each  draw  a  prize  of  twenty- 
five  thousand  dollars. 

When  taking  a  view  of  the  hand-bills  posted  up  at  the 
corner  of  almost  every  block  throughout  the  city,  and  can 
see  little  else  but,  "Lucky  Lottery  Office  of  G.  Sf  R. 
Waite"  I  am  led  to  ask,  Are  these  men  fools,  or  do  they 
think  every  body  else  so  ?"  For  they  hold  up  the  idea* 
that  if  a  man  has  eight  or  ten  dollars  to  spare,  he  has  noth- 
ing to  do  but  to  call  at  No.  64  or  38  Maiden-lane,  lay  out 
his  money  for  a  ticket,  and  he  is  as  sure  of  a  fortune  as  if 
he  had  it  already  in  his  pocket.  Not  a  chimney  sweep  in 
the  city  that  would  be  influenced  by  their  publications,  but 
rather  point  the  finger  and  laugh  at  those  who  make  them- 
selves appear  so  much  like  little  children. 

There  are  other  religious  tenets  much  more  agreeable  to 
the  scripture,  propagated  by  men  of  zeal  and  integrity,  who 
do  much  honor  to  the  cause  in  which  they  are  engaged,  and 
deserve  credit  for  their  indefatigable  diligence  and  great  as- 
siduity in  striving  to  promote  the  well  being  of  mankind.  It 
is  our  duty  to  hold  these  worthy  men,  and  many  of  their  fol- 
lowers in  high  esteem.  But,  (lamentable  to  say)  there  are 
some  of  their  followers  who  have  too  much  sail  for  their 
ballast.  And  I  think,  sometimes  manifest  more  zeal  than 
they  really  possess.  Or,  to  speak  more  cautiously,  they 
possess  a  zeal,  but  not  according  to  knowledge,  Rom.  x.  2. 
who  will  almost  go  through  fire  and  water  to  attend  to  the 
outward  means  of  grace,  whose  gestures  in  time  of  devo- 
tion are  extremely  disgusting ;  and  by  whose  side  a  person 
possessed  of  a  common  degree  of  moderation  cannot  sit 
without  being  disturbed  by  their  wild-fire.    Some  gracious 


39 


minded  people  have  frequently  been  robbed  of  the  com- 
fortable exercises  of  their  minds  by  the  stamping  and  slap- 
ing  and  hooting  of  those  who  appear  as  if  they  thought  re- 
ligion consisted  entirely  in  noise  and  racket  and  hubbub. 
Pitty  but  they  could  view  themselves  with  an  impartial 
eye  before  a  looking-glass,  and  be  made  ashamed  of  such 
silly  conduct. 

For  they  not  only  bring  a  disgrace  upon  themselves, 
which  they  justly  deserve,  but  likewise  upon  the  more 
lespectable  and  worthy  members  with  whom  they  are 
connected.  When  I  go  to  a  house  of  devotion,  I  wish  to 
hear  what  may  be  said ;  but  when  the  voice  of  the  speaker 
is  obstructed  by  the  clamors  of  the  clamorous,  I  could 
wish  myself  at  home.  But  this  they  call  the  "  power  of 
God."  Quite  too  good  a  name  for  so  enthusiastic  an  ex- 
ercise. Let  me  die  the  death  of  the  righteous,  and  let  my 
last  end  be  like  his ;  but  let  me  always  be  kept  by  the 
"  power  of  God"  from  such  sottish  extremes  as  are  ex- 
hibited by  those,  who  seem  as  if  they  cared  for  nothing  but 
a  present  enjoyment  of  these  perishable  flights  of  transito- 
ry comfort.  It  is  some  relief  for  a  sick  person  to  groan; 
and  it  is  equally  as  natural  for  a  man  in  trouble  to  vent 
his  grief  with  a  sigh ;  but  for  one  to  walk  in  the  light  of 
his  own  fire,  and  compass  himself  about  with  sparks  of 
his  own  kindling,  he  need  promise  himself  no  better  re- 
ward than  to  lie  down  in  sorrow. 

These  light-headed  boys  (for  such  in  fact  they  are, 
whether  old  or  young)  must  be  seen  and  heard  above  ev- 
ery body  else — choose  the  "  uppermost  seats  in  the  syna- 
gogues," and  are  fond  of  "  greetings  in  the  market  pla- 
ces."   Their  minds  are  no  ways  susceptible  of  the  most 


40 


gentle  reproof ;  but  their  own  way  is  best :  "  It  is  not 
right  to  restrain  the  power  of  GodP — So  there  is  none  so 
deaf  as  those  that  won't  hear  ;  and  it  is  of  no  use  to  offer 
spectacles  to  a  man  that  is  bliad. 

Some  attend  the  house  of  public  devotion  to  see  and  be 
seen  ;  and  for  that  purpose  are  sure  always  to  place  them- 
selves in  some  conspicuous  situation  answerable  to  their 
corrupt  views.  Others  go  to  hear  and  be  heard,  and  will 
not  fail  to  give  a  hearty  Amen  at  the  middle,  and  some- 
times at  the  very  beginning  of  a  sentence,  before  it  is  pos- 
sible for  the  most  discerning  person  in  the  world  to  form 
the  least  idea  of  what  is  going  to  be  said.  Such  singular- 
ities ought  always  to  be  avoided,  (and  will  be  by  every 
well-informed  person)  for  they  only  tend  to  attract  the  at- 
tention of  the  people,  and  draw  their  minds  from  a  better 
employment. 

But  any  thing  to  give  vent  to  their  wonderful  zeal ; 
and  wherein  the  tongue  falls  short  of  this,  the  hand,  and 
sometimes  the  foot,  must  be  engaged  in  the  same  employ- 
ment :  and  thus  they  strain  their  lungs  and  limbs  for 
but  little  other  purpose  than  to  be  heard,  or  to  say  the  best 
we  can,  to  give  vent  to  that  extravagant  zeal,  which  had 
much  better  be  restrained  than  vented,  to  the  entire  sub- 
version of  Christian  decorum  and  all  good  order. 

If  by  preaching  or  praying,  or  any  other  means  of  grace, 
temp  red  with  a  due  proportion  of  gospel  zeal,  sinners,  by 
thousands,  were  pricked  to  the  heart,  and  constrained  to 
cry  aloud  for  mercy,-  and  enquire  what  they  should  do  to 
be  saved ;  or  pious  Christians  constrained  to  raise  their 
voices  with  their  hearts,  I  should  be  highly  gratified  at  the 
sight;  and  think,  in  such  a  case,  every  laborer  in  the 


49 


pose  we  can  do  nothing  better  than  to  exercise  all  the  pru- 
dence and  discretion  we  are  possessed  of,  and  conduct  ac- 
cordingly. 

With  regard  to  the  forms  of  public  worship,  I  believe  a 
a  man  may  introduce  it  either  by  singing,  praying,  read- 
ing or  exhortation.  I  think  it  no  ways  material,  because 
I  cannot  find  that  scripture  directs  us  to  any  particular 
mode.  Therefore,  in  this  respect,  let  each  one  exercise 
his  judgment,  and  yield  to  such  impressions,  or  conform 
to  such  modes  as  appear  best  calculated  to  promote 
the  spiritual  prosperity  of  his  fellow-mortals. 

When  we  take  a  view  of  our  Saviour's  sermon  upon  the 
mount,  and  consider  with  what  plainness  and  simplicity 
he  addressed  himself  to  his  audience,  we  are  ready  to  con- 
sider this  as  a  suitable  example  for  all  our  ministerial 
brethren  in  their  public  administrations. 

No  divisions  to  be  found  except  what  naturally  arose 
from  the  different  subjects  upon  which  he  was  speaking. 
This  pattern  by  our  divine  master,  together  with  the  like 
examples  shewn  us  by  all  the  sacred  penmen,  ought  to  be 
taken  for  a  guide  whenever  a  man  stands  between  the  liv- 
ing and  the  dead,  with  the  sword  of  the  spirit  in  his  mouth. 

But  since  we  have  become  wise  above  what  is  written, 
we  can  make  artificial  divisions  and  subdivisions  in  our  dis- 
courses, and  adorn  our  ministerial  exercises  with  as  many 
little  trinkets  and  gewgaws  as  there  are  demi-semi-quavers 
in  a  semibreve. 

Sometimes  the  preacher,  at  the  introduction  of  public 
worship,  prays  to  the  Lord  to  direct  his  mind  to  some  suit- 
able portion  of  scripture,  as  if  he  was  at  a  loss  for  a  sub- 
ject.   Rut,  upon  hi^  opening  the  bible,  we  behold  a  lea£ 

G 


50 


bent  down,  upon  which  his  mind  (doubtless)  had  already 
been  fixed,  and  his  sections  and  divisions  and  sub-division* 
all  completely  made  out. 

I  might,  with  equal  propriety,  advance  an  objection 
against  the  modern  mode  of  singing  in  the  manner  generally 
practised  by  many  Christian  Churches  and  worshipping 
assemblies. 

That  the  singing  of  psalms  and  hymns  and  spiritual 
songs,  constituted  a  part  of  the  devotional  exercises  of  the 
primitive  Christians,  I  have  not  the  least  doubt.  Yet  I 
have  no  assurance  that  it  was  their  practice  to  carry  the 
four  parts  agreeably  to  our  modern  customs,  viz.  bass, 
tenor,  counter,  and  treble ;  much  less  to  make  use  of  fuge- 
ing  tunes,  which  appear  to  contain  more  curiosity  than  any 
thing  else ;  and  from  a  want  of  solemnity,  ought  never  to 
be  admitted  into  the  devotional  exercises  of  worshiping  as- 
semblies ;  being  better  calculated  to  amuse  the  carnal 
mind  than  to  animate  the  pious  soul. 

But  these  I  consider  as  mere  trifles  when  compared  to 
the  following  extravagancies,  for  which  every  guilty 
person  ought  to  blush. 

I  have  known  some  to  attend  church,  and  read  prayers 
upon  the  Sabbath,  with  the  appearance  of  the  greatest 
sanctity,  and  the  next  day  attend  the  cock-pit  or  card-table, 
and  ad^rn  their  common  conversation  with  oaths  and  im- 
precations, which  give  sufficient  evidence  of  the  wicked- 
ness of  their  hearts.  No  form  of  re3igion  in  their 
families,  that  being  entirely  restricted  to  the  church,  and, 
tike  a  prisoner,  confined  within  its  walls. 

Those  very  people  would  stand  up  in  the  presence  of 
God  and  a  large  congregation  with  th^ir  children,  a  >d 
sometimes  the  children  of  other  people,  cf  whose  souls  they 


51 


would  take  no  more  care  than  they  do  of  the  souls  of  their 
beasts,  (if  they  have  any)  as  to  setting  good  examples,  or 
giving  religious  instruction,  and  promise  that  they  should 
"  renounce  the  devil  and  all  his  works,  the  pomps  and  vani- 
ties of  this  wicked  world,"  &c.  And  thus  they  mock  theirGod 
by  promising  for  their  children  what  they  are  not  willing  to 
perform  themselves.  And  then,  as  if  their  duty  was  en- 
tirely accomplished,  and  they  free  from  every  kind  of  re- 
straint, away  to  the  hore-race  or  card-table,  grasping  after 
sensual  delights,  by  giving  way  to  worldly,  profane,  and 
immoral  practices,  to  the  breach  of  a  solemn  promise,  and 
the  neglect  of  their  souls.  And  thus  they  go  to  any  length 
whatever  in  vice,  without  receiving  a  suitable  reproof  from 
their  minister,  or  any  of  the  officers  of  the  church  to  which 
they  belong ;  and  are  thus  left  peaceably  to  go  on  in  sin> 
instead  of  being  justly  punished  with  expulsion. 

They  are,  nevertheless,  sure  to  take  their  seats  in  the 
.6hurch,  and  meet  their  Domini  upon  the  Sabbath,  who 
will  not  fail  to  appear  with  a  powdered  head  and  ministerial 
robe,  whose  change  of  voice  and  change  of  dress  may  pro- 
perly be  denominated  a  gross  violation  of  that  apostolic- 
rule,  that  teaches  all  things  to  be  done  decently  and  in  or- 
der-. 1  Cor.  xiv.  40. 

We  nevertheless  hear  him  preach  a  good  sermon,  or  ra  - 
ther read  a  very  good  lesson  of  morality,  and  give  whole- 
some instructions  to  his  congregation ;  but  never  inforces 
his  precepts  by  imposing  the  penalty  of  expulsion  upon 
the  offender.  But  as  I  said  of  our  Corporation,  so  I  say  of 
some  nominal  ministers  of  the  gospel,  that  they  are  like  the 
ostrich  that  lays  her  egg  in  the  sand — lays  a  good  egg, 
und  takes  no  further  care. 


52 


But  in  once  sense  the  minister  is  worse  than  the  corpo- 
ration ;  for  they  will  not  very  often  break  their  own  laws, 
but  he  will  sometimes  preach  against  pride,  and  at  the 
same  time  go  with  a  powdered  head ! 

And  some  of  his  congregation  do  upon  the  Sabbath,  with 
solemn  voice  and  face  of  sanctity,  cry,  "Lord  have  mercy 
upon  us,  and  incline  our  hearts  to  keep"  the  very  laws 
they  voluntarily  break  from  day  to  day  ! ! !  They  are  very 
careful,  while  engaged  in  public  devotional  exercises,  to 
bow  the  head  and  bend  the  knee  at  the  name  of  "  Jesus," 
in  whose  name  they  profess  to  be  assembled.  But  this 
kind  of  formality  is  entirely  omitted  while  at  the  tavern  or 
ale-house ;  for  then  they  can  make  use  of  oaths  and  impre- 
cations, as  if  their  meeting-house  religion  was  all  the 
religion  they  cared  for. 

There  are  some  popular  ministers  of  the  gospel,  whose 
eloquence  is  calculated  to  charm  the  heart  of  a  stone,  and  f 
greatly  attract  the  attention  of  a  listening  audience — who 
are  much  in  the  habit  of  acting  the  part  of  an  auctioneer,  by 
striking  at  the  highest  bid,  and  making  merchandize  of  the 
gospel.  They  will  remove  from  post  to  pillar,  and  from 
pillar  to  post,  in  order  to  change  a  bad  situation  for  a  good 
one.  And  then  with  a  hawk's  eye  and  listening  ear,  are  al- 
ways attentive  to  the  loudest  call :  and  if  it  is  of  a  gingling 
kind,  will  up  stakes,  like  a  Turkish  caravan,  and  away  to 
the  land  that  flows  with  milk  and  honey.  No  matter 
what  becomes  of  the  flock  that  is  left  behind.  The  good 
shepherd  may  keep  them,  or  the  wolf  may  take  them  ; 
but  at  any  rate,  the  reverend  clergyman  must  try  to  in- 
crease his  salary,  for  the  "laborer  is  worthy  of  his  hire." 

The  prosperity  of  the  church,  or  the  good  of  souls,  is 


55 


aot  uppermost  in  his  mind,  but  how  he  can  eontrive  mat* 
ters  so  as  to  increase  his  wages  and  get  more  money. 

But  at  language  like  this,  perhaps  the  money-hunter 
will  feel  his  mind  disturbed,  and  enquire  as  the  Philistines 
did ;  "  Who  hath  done  this  ?"  and  want  nothing  but  an 
opportunity  to  serve  me  as  they  did  Sampson. 

Some  dogs  want  nothing  but  the  sound  of  a  whip,  and 
they  will  yelp  worse  than  if  their  heads  were  cut  off ; 
while  others  are  so  sulky,  they  would  bear  to  be  cut  in- 
to pound  pieces  before  they  would  quit  their  grip. 

Again,  some  dogs  are  good  for  nothing  but  to  bark ; 
others  of  a  more  ravenous  di -position,  will  give  only  a 
growl  and  a  snap,  and  the  snap  comes  first. 

When  I  see  a  minister  of  the  gospel  (improperly  so  cal- 
led) quit  his  situation,  where  he  gets  a  thousand  dollars 
per  annum,  listen  to  a  "  louder  call,"  turn  his  back  upon 
his  congregation,  and  go  where  he  can  get  fifteen  hundred* 
it  makes  me  think  of  the  auctioneers  at  the  Coffee-house, 
where  they  are  always  careful  to  strike  off  their  goods  to 
the  highest  bidder.  There  is  nevertheless  this  nominal 
difference,  the  latter  gives  it  the  name  of  the  highest  bid., 
the  former  of  the  loudest  call :  but  this  is  only  using  dif- 
ferent terms  to  express  the  same  idea ;  as  if  you  should 
ask  a  man  to  drink  a  glass  of  grog ;  but  offering  the  same 
to  a  woman,  you  would  politely  call  it  spirits  and  water. 

There  are  others  again,  who,  in  order  to  quench  their 
insatiable  thirst  after  the  guineas  and  dollars,  are 
still  less  observing  of  the  rules  of  common  decenc}^. 
The  discipline  of  their  church  will  not  admit  of  their 
pedling  themselves  about  from  one  congregation  to 
another  of  the  same  order,  to  increase  their  salary  ; 


54 


but  they  make  ro  conscience  of  deserting  from  the  denom- 
ination to  which  they  belong,  to  espouse  the  cause  of  an 
adverse  party. 

These  poor  wretches,  above  all  people  I  ever  knew, 
are  possessed  of  the  least  degree  of  gratitude ;  and  it  is 
said  that  "  the  sin  of  ingratitude  is  worse  than  the  sin  of 
witchcraft."  Their  friends  had  borne  with  their  weakness- 
es, and  taken  them  by  the  hand  when  they  were  scarce 
able  to  walk  straight,  or  go  alone ;  and  listened  to  their 
feeble  but  well-meant  endeavors  with  prayerful  atten- 
tion— made  no  account  of  their  repeated  blunders ;  but 
when  taking  a  view  of  their  hobbling  diligence  and  snail- 
like proficiency,  were  ever  ready  to  strengthen  their  hands 
and  encourage  their  hearts,  from  a  consideration  that  they 
were  sincere,  though  not  possessed  of  the  eloquence  of  an 
orator. 

But  no  sooner  do  they  find  themselves  independent,  and 
feel  like  sons  of  liberty,  (having  a  lively  sense  of  their 
own  ministerial  abilities)  than  the  serpent  with  his  be- 
guiling influence,  begins  to  whisper.  The  loaves  and 
fishes  are  exhibited  to  view.  The  devil  offers  a  good 
share  of  worldly  riches  and  honor  upon  certain  easy  con- 
ditions— your  labor  is  hard,  your  church  government  is 
bad,  you  are  not  well  respected,  you  will  die  a  poor  man ; 
and  a  thousand  other  things  never  before  thought  of,  is 
brought  to  view.  When  the  splendid  sight  of  a  Domini 
in  silver  slippers  ravishes  the  mind,  and  the  bare  shadow  of 
preferment  induces  the  man  to  cease  from  the  promulga- 
tion of  a  doctrine  truly  honorable,  and  accept  of  an  offer 
that  ought  to  have  been  despised. 

A  gospel  money-hunter  when  wishing  to  increase  his 


55 


salary,  and  go  where  he  can  get  more  dollars,  will  not  fail 
to  furnish  himself  with  some  very  plausible  apology  for 
so  doing.  Thus  said  one  when  about  to  desert  from  one 
society  to  another :  "  It  is  not  money  I  am  seeking  aftpr, 
but  a  church  with  whose  government  I  shall  be  suited." 
But  he  took  good  care  and  placed  himself  where  he  in- 
creased his  salary  about  five  hundred  per  cent :  and  this 
I  suppose  was  the  church-government  he  was  seeking  af- 
ter. If  he  could  have  been  ordained  a  Bishop,  or  made  a 
Presiding  Elder,  it  is  not  probable  he  would  have  found 
fault  with  the  government  of  the  church. 

But  as  for  such  trash,  the  sooner  they  go  the  better  ;  for 
their  room  is  much  better  than  their  company.  He  that 
is  the  most  anxious  to  obtain  an  office  of  power,  whether 
it  be  of  a  civil  or  religious  nature,  will  be  the  most  mor- 
tified at  the  want  of  success,  and  generally  the  least 
fit  for  the  preferment  after  which  he  is  aspiring.  And 
when  a  man  will  stick  up  his  nose,  and  relinquish  what 
little  power  he  has,  because  his  friends  don't  think  fit  to 
give  him  greater,  it  is  a  pretty  good  evidence  that  he  is  not 
worthy  of  a  more  elevated  station ;  and  if  he  could  obtain 
it,  would  quickly  shew  the  haughtiness  of  his  disposition, 
by  a  display  of  that  tyranny,  of  which  he  complains  as  be- 
ing exercised  towards  him,  by  their  not  exalting  him  to  a 
higher  post  of  honor  ;  which  preferment  he  thinks  he  had 
a  just  right  to  demand  at  their  hands. 

So  much  for  listening  to  the  delusions  of  Satan,  who  is 
pretty  sure  to  entrap  every  one  that  will  lend  him  their 
attention  :  "  Virtue  that  parlies  is  near  a  surrender."  He 
that  runs  away  from  a  good  cause  for  honor,  ease,  or  profit, 
©ughtto  feel  ashamed  for  listening  to  the  voice  of  decep- 


56 


lion.  How  did  Eve  disgrace  herself,  and  fall  a  victim  to 
the  beguiling  influence  of  the  serpent  ?  She  gave  her  at- 
tention to  his  insinuations;  and  I  think  they  were  well 
calculated  to  answer  the  intended  purpose ;  read  Gen.  hi. 
4,  5.  Had  he  have  told  her  in  downright  plain  terms  that 
God  is  a  liar,  and  you  need  not  believe  his  word  ;  Eve,  it 
is  more  than  probable,  would  have  been  startled,  and  the 
devil's  plan  entirely  defeated.  But  here  was  a  complete 
mixture  of  policy  and  fraud,  in  order  to  rob  the  woman  of 
her  soul.  Fraud  is  not  to  be  tolerated  in  any  case  what- 
ever ;  but  policy  may  be  used  in  certain  cases,  and  is 
sometimes  practised  by  the  very  best  of  men.  See  Job 
ii.  10 — the  good  man,  instead  of  calling  his  wife  "  a  fool" 
(as  no  doubt  he  thought  she  was)  softened  the  expression 
a  little  by  saying,  "  Thou  speakest  as  one  of  the  foolish 
women  speaketh."  Had  he  without  mincing  the  matter 
called  her  a  "  downright  fool,"  she  might  have  thought 
herself  entirely  singular,  and  (at  least  in  her  husband's 
esteem)  the  very  worst  woman  in  the  world :  and  ten  to 
one  but  she  would  spit  in  his  face.  But  instead  of  this 
(whatever  his  thoughts  were  about  the  matter)  he  only 
compares  her  to  others  of  the  like  kind ;  as  much  as  to  say, 
There  are  other  foolish  women  in  the  world  as  well  as 
you. 

It  is  very  w  11  known  that  misery  loves  company  ;  and 
Job  by  this  comparison  I  suppose  induced  his  wicked  wife 
to  think  there  were  other  women  as  bad  as  herself,  and 
thereby  kept  clear  of  a  family  war,  which  might  otherwise 
have  ensued,  to  the  disturbance  of  their  peace,  and  the 
loss  of  blood. 

Well  would  it  be  for  men  in  general,  thus  to  extenuate 


57 


the  faults  of  their  wives  a  little,  and  not  put  the  worst 
construction  upon  every  thing  ;  but  the  very  best  that  the 
nature  of  their  case  would  any  way  admit  of.  But  it  is 
generally  great  /  and  little  yon. 

But  another  dab  at  the  hireling.  When  two  hogs  are 
eating  together  at  one  trough,  each  one  is  disposed  to  drive 
the  other  away,  although  there  may  be  food  enough  for 
them  both,  and  to  spare ;  so  the  one  that  gets  the  upper 
hand  gains  nothing  but  a  victory  after  all.  Not  so  with 
the  gospel-hireling. 

Where  there  is  but  one  premium  to  be  obtained,  and 
that  premium,  be  it  ever  so  great,  not  half  enough  to  sati- 
ate the  voracious  appetite  of  him  who  obtains  it,  no  won- 
der if  the  applicant  should  act  the  part  of  a  lion  in  the  for- 
est, that  expels  every  other  beast  of  prey,  that  he  may 
have  the  whole  range  to  himself.  For  scarce  did  a  wolf 
descend  from  the  Alps  in  quest  of  prey  with  much  more 
greediness  than  some  insatiable  gospel  money-hunters  as- 
pire after  an  increase  of  salary.  And  in  fact,  I  think  all 
those  who  seek  after  the  fleece  more  than  the  flock,  ought 
to  be  publicly  advertised,  and  served  as  our  auctioneers  do 
the  Merino  sheep — struck  off  to  the  highest  bidder.  The 
man  has  by  this  time  got  into  a  more  elevated  station,  and 
not  content  with  the  highest  bid,  but  looks  for  the  grand 
appellation  of  the  Right  Reverend,  &c.  And  for  want  of 
this  respect  scarcely  will  the  moderation  of  his  temper 
restrain  him  from  shewing  signs  of  high  resentment. 

When  we  point  at  people's  faults,  and  give  them  no  bet- 
ter appellation  than  they  justly  deserve ;  they  will  hardly 
answer  to  their  own  names ;  and  sometimes  take  exception 
at  not  beinc;  treated  with  greater  respect.    As  it  was  with 

H 


58 


a.  man  I  knew,  who  travelled  through  the  country,  mend- 
ing old  pots  and  kettles,  and  sometimes  would  make  a  sil- 
ver or  a  gold  ring.  A  woman  who  wanted  her  kettle  mend- 
ed, seeing  him  pass  by  with  his  tools,  ran  out  and  called, 
tinker,  tinker — he,  not  thinking  himself  treated  with  due 
respect,  passed  on  with  a  deaf  ear  :  but  her  repeated  calls 
struck  the  organ  with  redoubled  force,  till  at  length  he  was 
constrained  to  turn  his  head ;  then  with  lordly  motion,  and 
loud  tone  of  resentment,  exclaimed,  "  My  name  is  not 
tinker;  my  name  is  John  Lowrigbt."  Had  she  have 
stiled  him  "silversmith,"  no  doubt  but  he  would  have 
answered  at  the  very  first  call. 

It  is  not  good  for  decent  people  to  associate  much  with 
men  of  this  description,  least  their  own  minds  should  get 
corrupted  also ;  for  he  that  lies  down  with  dogs  must  ex- 
pect to  rise  up  with  fleas ;  and  a  man  that  thinks  so  little 
of  himself  as  to  form  an  intimacy  with  mean  company, 
gives  plain  evidence  of  a  low  mind. 

We  will  now,  for  a  moment,  bid  adieu  to  such  enormous 
extravagancies,  practised  by  those  from  whom  we  could 
not  reasonably  expect  much  better  things,  and  take  a  view 
of  crimes,  in  themselves  of  less  magnitude,  but  greatly 
exaggerated  by  a  deviation  from  good  and  wholesome 
church-laws,  instituted  by  men  of  piety,  but  not  enforced 
with  much  rigor ;  a  deviation  from  which  is  a  greater  crime 
in  one  person  than  in  another. 


5$ 


CHAPTER  VII. 

He  that  undertakes  to  please  every  body  will  please  no 
body,  and  lose  his  labor  in  the  bargain.  But  a  man,  be- 
ing actuated  by  right  motives,  need  not  care  much  who  he 
pleases  or  displeases,  so  as  he  keeps  a  conscience  void  of 
offence. 

He  that  endeavors  to  follow  the  fashions  of  the  world, 
will  never  keep  up  with  them.  But  they  who  keep  steady 
along,  are  sure  to  be  in  the  fashion  once  in  a  while,  and 
avoid  that  expensive  slavery  to  which  they  must  otherwise 
subject  themselves,  and  to  which  none  but  simpleton's 
will  conform. 

The  little  cloud,  apparently  not  bigger  than  a  man's 
hand,  that  arose  out  of  the  sea,  soon  spread  itself  over  the 
feice  of  the  sky,  and  obscured  the  whole  atmosphere. 

We  don't  need  a  telescope  to  view  the  growing  evils  of  the 
day.  They  have  already  swelled  to  such  magnitude  that 
we  can  see  them  with  a  naked  eye.  And  as  we  are  com- 
manded to  "  abstain  from  all  appearance  of  evil,"  and  not 
"  destroy  our  weak  brethren  with  cur  strong  meat,"  I  have 
therefore  thought  proper  to  caution  my .  readers  against 
granting  themselves  certain  indulgencies,  and  conforming 
to  worldly  fashions,  which,  though  they  can  possibly 
practise  without  material  injury  to  themselves,  may  prove 
hurtful  to  others,  who  stand  ready  to  pattern  after  them, 
to  their  own  spiritual  disadvantage,  and  the  grief  of  many 
a  well  disposed  person. 

Some  people  are  so  credulous,  that  they  are  almost 
r$ady  to  believe  every  thing  they  hear,  its  apparent  w- 


60 


consistency  notwithstanding.  Others,  whether  their  in- 
formation comes  from  the  pulpit  or  the  press,  or  any  other 
quarter,  do  examine  with  candor,  and  embrace  no  more 
than  what  comes  well  authenticated,  and  bears  the  image 
of  truth. 

We  do  not  require  the  wisdom  of  a  prophet,  when  we 
see  two  hills  to  discern  that  there  is  a  valley  between 
them — a  white  frost  is  a  sure  forerunner  of  a  southerly 
wind ;  and  always  wThen  the  wild  geeze  fly  to  the  south- 
ward, we  may  reasonably  suppose  the  northern  lakes  are 
covered  with  ice.  And  with  almost  equal  propriety  may 
we  say,  the  society  is  a  fallen  people  in  whom  we  can 
discover  such  infallible  signs  of  apostacy.  We  will  now 
take  a  view  of  the  enormous  nails  of  some  of  these  pious 
fashion-followers,  extending  the  eighth  of  an  inch  beyond 
their  finger's  ends — this  I  call  pride ;  and  to  mend  the  mat- 
ter a  little  I  will  call  it  by  its  right  name,  devilish  pride. 
And  will  now  ask  the  reader  to  shew  me  the  difference  (if 
there  is  any)  between  this  disposition  of  mind,  and 
that  with  which  the  people  are  actuated  who  really 
belong  to  the  kingdom  of  the  devil  ?  I  think  there 
is  a  small  balance  in  favor  to  the  non-professor :  but  to 
speak  in  the  softest  language  we  can,  the  one  is  bad,  the 
other  is  worse. 

It  is  true,  we  can  find  no  powder,  as  on  the  heads  of  ma- 
ny others ;  yet  we  can  find  something  that  does  not  differ 
from  it  the  width  of  a  straw.  Only  take  a  view  of  the  in- 
verted hair,  (for  I  dont  know  what  else  to  call  it)  it  can't 
be  allowed  to  rest  where  nature  had  placed  it,  but  it  must 
be  forced  up  the  contrary  wray ;  and  for  what  other  pur- 
pose than  to  gratify  a  species  of  that  same  pride  by  which 


61 


those  are  actuated  who  really  load  their  heads  with 
powder. 

If  it  can  be  made  to  appear  that  nature  has  committed 
an  error,  and  placed  the  hair  wrong  end  foremost,  I 
should  have  nothing  to  say  against  it ;  and  in  that  case 
they  would  do  right,  both  preachers  and  hearers,  to  invert 
the  hair  ;  and  while  nature  pulls  one  way,  they  ought  to 
pull  the  other  ;  and  if  the  conflict  should  be  so  sharp  as 
for  the  hair  to  fly  out  by  the  roots,  I  should  have  nothing  to 
say  against  it,  but  would  pity  the  man  for  his  misfortune, 
and  applaud  him  for  his  courage  and  conduct.  For  I 
should  much  rather  see  a  man  without  a  hair  upon  his 
head,  than  to  see  him  sneak  away  and  give  up  so  good  a 
cause.  But  until  it  can  be  fully  proved  that  nature  has 
been  thus  deficient,  I  shall  insist  upon  it  that  it  is  a  folly 
to  take  so  much  pains  to  set  so  poor  an  example ;  and 
that  a  man  has  as  good  a  right  to  invert  the  whole  body  as 
a  single  hair ;  and  he  might  for  fashion  sake  or  singulari- 
ty sake,  walk  backwards,  or  upon  all  fours,  so  as  he  does 
but  excite  the  admiration  of  his  spectators. 

Such  people  just  put  themselves  upon  a  level  with  thft 
young  fops,  who  walk  our  streets  with  their  spectacles  on, 
who  pride  themselves  in  the  identical  practice,  to  which, 
if  they  were  subjected  by  necessity,  would  prove  a  morti- 
fication to  their  very  souls.  But  any  thing  to  appear  sin- 
gular ;  or  any  thing  to  appear  in  the  fashion,  so  as  a  man 
is  taken  notice  of  and  respected. 

And  the  people  who  nick  their  horse's  tails,  anil  trim 
their  ears  in  the  manner  as  some  do,  are  actuated  by  a 
spirit  no  less  diabolical,  and  a  pity  but  they  should  be  serv- 
ed in  the  same  manner.    Nor  will  I  excuse  the  farmer- 


62 


throughout  the  country,  for  punishing  their  horses  by  cut- 
ting off  their  tails,  which  nature  hath  given  for  the  valua- 
ble purpose  of  beating  away  the  flies.  Now  I  am  an  ad- 
vocate for  what  is  called  the  golden  rule,  do  as  you  would 
be  done  by — serve  your  horses  as  you  would  wish  them 
to  serve  you,  upon  a  change  of  circumstances.  What  na^- 
ture  hath  given  us  we  have  a  just  claim  to ;  and  no  man 
ought  to  deprive  us  of  it,  unless  to  answer  some  better  pur- 
pose than  the  gratification  of  pride.  And  if  some  of  our 
very  old  traditionarians  were  to  cut  as  much  from  the  tails 
of  their  coats  as  they  do  from  the  tails  of  their  colts,  each 
one  would  save  enough  to  make  a  boy  a  waistcoat ;  and 
as  the  saying  is,  a  penny  saved  is  as  good  as  a  penny  earn- 
ed.   But  to  the  hair  again. 

Whenever  I  see  a  boy  (for  I'll  call  'em  all  boys)  with 
his  head  decorated  in  this  manner,  and  his  hair  not  suffer- 
ed to  rest  where  nature  had  placed  it,  I  immediately  think 
there  ought  to  bo  a  pair  of  shoe-maker's  nippers  applied  to 
the  head  to  cure  the  disorder  of  the  mind ;  or  to  speak  with 
more  modesty,  they  ought  to  take  a  pair  of  tweezers,  and 
serve  their  heads  as  the  Chinese  do  their  chins. 

These  examples  are  the  more  contagious  by  coming 
sometimes  from  a  ministerial  quarter. — A  child  wants  no 
better  apology  for  his  faults  than  the  example  of  his  father. 
For  my  part,  I  am  at  a  loss  to  know  with  what  face  a  min- 
ister of  the  gospel  could  preach  against  pride,  or  reprove 
a  woman  for  curling  her  hair,  or  the  putting  on  of  gold  or 
any  other  needless  ornament,  so  long  as  he  can  indulge 
himself  in  a  practice,  if  not  equally  as  vile,  yet  a  practice 
entirely  useless,  to  say  the  best. 

But  the  pride  of  different  people  run  in  channels  as  di- 


63 


ametrically  opposite  as  the  blood  that  passes  through  our 
arteries  and  veins.  Some  content  themselves  with  having 
their  hair  to  stand  erect,  like  the  bushes  and  briars  of  a 
forest — enough  to  affright  one  who  never  saw  the  like  be- 
fore. Others  will  let  it  have  its  natural  course,  only  it 
must  be  permitted  to  grow  to  an  enormous  length,  and 
dingle  over  the  eyes  and  nose  like  the  wattles  of  a  turkey- 
cock,  or  an  old  rooster. — u  It  is  worse  to  be  like  a  beast 
than  it  is  to  be  a  beast." 

Nor  do  I  think  but  that  a  man's  whiskers  or  ear-locks, 
or  whatever  you  call  them,  ought  to  share  the  same  fate ; 
seeing  they  are  intended  for  no  other  than  the  same  pur- 
pose. No  sooner  does  the  hair  begin  to  peep  through  the 
skin  of  the  face,  than  the  boy  begins  to  shew  his  attach- 
ment to  the  fashions  of  the  world ;  and  tries  to  play  the 
man,  by  exhibiting  a  frizly  lock  on  each  side  of  his  face. 
Thus  some  are  content  with  a  round  lock  upon  the  cheek, 
while  others,  still  more  vain,  must  have  a  kind  of  half 
moon,  beginning  at  the  temple,  and  in  a  circular  form  pas- 
sing the  root  of  the  ear,  and  finishing  its  course  near  the 
corner  of  the  mouth.  Its  extent  across  the  cheek  bears  a 
very  good  resemblance  to  the  passage  cf  the  gulf  stream 
across  the  atlantic  ocean.  With  this  little  difference,  the 
one  is  natural,  the  other  artificial.  But  if  I  was  disposed 
to  any  thing  of  this  kind,  I  would  as  soon  carry  my  whisk- 
er on  the  end  of  my  chin ;  for  I  would  not  care  a  straw 
whether  it  should  be  said  that  I  was  following  an  old  fash- 
ion, or  introducing  a  new  one. 

Some  fashions  can  be  followed  without  much  expence, 
while  the  earnings  of  an  industrious  person  are  far  too  lit- 
tle to  support  others.    Some  say  a  person  may  as  well  be 


64 


out  of  the  world  as  out  sf  the  fashion :  others,  with  greater 
propriety  assert,  that  a  man  ought  to  "  cut  his  coat  ac- 
cording to  his  cloth."  He  that  knows  what  it  is  to  earn  mo- 
ney by  hard  labor,  generally  knows  best  how  to  keep  it ; 
but  with  a  man  who  receives  money  by  handfuls,  without 
much  exertion,  it  is  generally  "  light  come,  light  go." 

There  are  some  young  men,  qualified  by  nature,  im- 
proved by  art,  assisted  by  good  friends,  and  placed  in  a 
situation  where  their  earnings,  with  frugality,  would  sup- 
port themselves  and  afford  relief  to  many  of  their  suffer- 
ing friends,  and  yet,  being  destitute  of  that  prudence  that 
ought  always  to  adorn  their  lives,  thoughtlessly  squander 
away  their  earnings,  reduce  themselves  to  poverty,  and 
then,  for  want  of  wherewithal  to  indulge  themselves  in 
superfluity  and  intemperance,  betake  themselves  to  un- 
lawful means,  and  so  disgrace  themselves  in  order  to  ap- 
pear honorable. 

But  what  extravagancies  may  we  not  expect  of  those 
who  stand  ready  at  all  times  to  pattern  after  every  new 
thing  they  see  or  hear  of.  It  is  this  that  frequently  keeps 
the  poor  from  getting  rich,  and  brings  the  rich  to  poverty. 
When  a  new  fashion  is  introduced,  the  rich  and  poor  are 
both  alike  anxious  to  appear  in  the  tip  of  the  mode ;  and 
sometimes  the  latter,  by  exerting  every  nerve,  will  make 
as  goodly  an  appearance  as  the  former  :  but  at  other  times, 
the  poverty  of  the  poor  (to  their  great  mortification)  keeps 
them  a  little  behind.  Well  would  it  be  for  all  such  to 
consult  their  own  interest,  and  be  governed  more  by  their 
own  abilities  than  by  the  examples  of  the  extravagant.  It 
is  not  comely  to  see  a  man  with  a  ruffled  shirt  and  a  ragged 
coat,  nor  a  woman  dressed  in  silk  with  holes  in  the  heels 


65 


•of  her  stockings.  Others  contract  debts,  to  indulge  them- 
selves in  pride,  which  they  never  find  themselves  able  to 
pay.  Poverty  and  pride,  although  very  often  found  to- 
gether, are  nevertheless  very  unequal  companions.  I 
have  heard  of  a  woman,  who,  at  the  loss  of  a  child,  two  or 
three  months  old,  was  so  anxious  to  furnish  herself  with 
a  suit  of  mourning,  that  she  did  actually  make  use  of  the 
money  for  that  purpose  which  her  industrious  husband  had 
laid  up  in  order  to  pay  his  house-rent,  whose  furniture 
within  a  few  days  was  sold  to  satisfy  the  demands  of  the 
landlord.  She  being  interrogated  how  she  could  have  a 
heart  thus  to  make  use  of  the  money  while  the  rent  re- 
mained unpaid,  and  her  husband's  clothes  neither  com- 
fortable nor  decent,  replied  in  a  rage,  "  I  don't  care,  I  will 
have  clothes  if  I  go  to  the  devil  after  them." 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

It  was  one  of  the  wise  sayings  of  one  of  the  wisest  of  men, 
that  "  The  destruction  of  the  poor  is  their  poverty."  And 
had  he  have  lived  among  us  of  late  years,  no  doubt  but 
his  tune  would  have  been  somewhat  changed,  and  he 
have  told  us  the  destruction  of  the  poor  is  their  drinking 
too  much  rum. 

The  tipler  continues  his  custom  at  the  ale-house  or  tav- 
ern, till  his  purse  and  his  credit  and  the  landlord's  patience 
are  all  exhausted,  and  then  confers  the  like  respects  upon 
any  one  who  will  trust  him  for  a  glass  of  rum.    No  matter 


66 


what  is  the  situation  of  the  family.  The  children  may 
cry  for  want  of  bread,  and  go  to  bed  supper  less,  but  at  all 
hazards  the  man  must  have  his  grog  !  A  pitiful  sight  in- 
deed, to  behold  a  company  of  robust  hearty  looking  men, 
neglecting  their  business,  and  sitting  no  better  examples 
for  their  neighbors  and  their  children,  than  to  spend  th^ir 
time  and  their  money  at  a  tavern,  where  there  is  little 
else  but  profane  talk,  foolish  chit  chat,  and  telling  of  sto- 
ries, from  which  no  one  can  derive  any  useful  knowledge. 
Some  tell  a  story  an  hour  long,  and  then  it  is  difficult  to 
find  where  they  begun,  or  where  they  left  off.  The 
cream  of  all  their  wisdom  is  nothing  more  than  whey,  and 
its  quintessence  as  insipid  as  dishwater. 

Some  of  these  spendthrifts  will  squeese  out  three  pence 
in  the  morning  for  a  glass  of  bitters,  and  then  think  them- 
selves fully  entitled  to  smoak  segars  all  day  upon  free  cost, 
crowd  around  the  fire,  and  take  up  the  room  of  better 
customers,  stop  other  people's  mouths  with  their  tongues, 
and  scarce  suffer  any  to  speak  but  themselves ;  just  like  a 
bell,  no  substance  within,  and  good  for  nothing  but  to 
make  a  noise. 

If  they  would  tell  us  why  water  don't  runup  hill,  or 
why  the  moon  don't  change  upon  the  Sabbath  as  often  as 
on  any  other  day  ;  or  what  is  the  reason  the  sun  is 
not  always  on  the  meridian  line  at  twelve  o'clock,  some 
benefit  could  be  derived  from  their  conversation.  But  in- 
stead of  this,  each  one  has  to  tell  which  kind  of  liquor  he 
likes  best ;  and  how  much  he  has  drank  at  a  time  without 
getting  drunk ;  and  will  sometimes  dispute  which  is  the 
wholesomest  Stoughton's  bitters,  tanzy  bitters,  or  row 


67 


rwn  ;  when  each  one  is  sure  to  give  his  voice  in  favor,  of 
that  which  best  suits  his  taste. 

When  a  man's  time  and  money  are  spent  in  this  way,  no 
wonder  that  his  children  are  brought  up  in  rags  and  igno- 
rance. Some  are  too  poor  to  educate  their  children  them- 
selves, and  too  proud  to  send  them  to  the  free  school,  and 
by  that  means  they  arefit  for  neither  one  thing  nor  the  other. 
I  have  known  one  to  request  the  landlord  to  cast  up  the 
cartage  of  twelve  loads  at  one  shilling  and  six  pence  per 
load;  and  to  inquire  the  amount  of  the  inspection  of 
twenty-five  loads  of  wood  at  two  cents  per  load ! 

Much  credit  is  due  to  all  those  who  have  opened  the 
hand  of  liberality  for  the  establishment  of  the  New-York 
Free  School  in  this  city.  And  much  would  it  be  to  the 
credit  of  those  poor  men,  to  accept  of  these  kind  offers,  and 
send  their  children  where  they  can  reap  the  benefit  of  so 
noble  an  institution.  But  no  fountain  can  cast  up  a  stream 
higher  than  itself.  If  I  could  find  a  man  who  had  never 
known  the  benefit  nor  the  want  of  education,  from  him  I 
would  look  for  no  better  things.  But  as  the  matter  is, 
there  are  hundreds  of  children  that  really  ought  to  be 
taken  by  lawful  force  from  their  poor  drunken  parents, 
and  placed  in  a  better  situation. 

If  the  grog-drinker  should  save  six  pence  per  day,  in 
twelve  months  he  could  lay  up  a  sum  sufficient  to  buy  a 
cow.  This  frugality  would  conduce  much  to  the  comfort 
of  many  a  poor  family,  by  stopping  the  cries  of  the  needy 
children. 

If  the  keeper  of  a  tavern  or  grog-shop,  was  not  doubly 
fortified  against  the  absurdities  of  his  customers,  this  prac- 
tice, among  many  others,  would  b©  enough  to  excite  hmi 


68 


to  anger.  In  comes  three  or  four  men,  apparently  as  dry 
as  fish,  in  a  great  hurry,  and  give  a  wrap  upon  the  coun- 
ter, saying,  Landlord,  give  us  something  to  drink.  Up 
starts  the  good  man,  not  willing  to  detain  them  a  moment, 
Gentleman,  what  will  you  please  to  have  ?  But  not  one 
of  them  knowing  his  own  mind,  the  question  is,  Patrick, 
what  shall  it  be?  O,  I  don't  care,  any  thing  you  please. 
Jemmy,  and  what  will  you  have;  a  glass  of  brandy  or  a 
glass  of  gin  ?  Faith,  and  I  can  drink  any  thing  that  comes 
to  hand.  How  would  you  like  a  glass  of  brandy-sling  ? 
Why,  upon  my  soul,  I  can  drink  any  thing  else  but  sling. 
I  am  no  ways  difficult — suit  yourself  and  you  will  suit 
me. 

By  this  time  the  landlord,  being  tired  of  their  pro  and 
con,  and  his  patience  nearly  exhausted,  sits  himself  down 
to  take  his  rest,  thinking  to  compose  himself  till  the  im- 
portant question  shall  come  to  a  decision.  But,  no  sooner 
has  he  taken  his  seat,  than  his  ears  are  again  accosted 
with  "  Come,  landlord,  pour  us  out  something  to  drink." 
Yet  no  one  has  any  choice,  and  each  one  can  drink  an}' 
thing  that  comes  to  hand.  The  question  is  again  put 
around,  What  will  you  drink  ?  And,  after  mature  delibe- 
ration, they  come  to  an  agreement,  and  it  is,  Landlord, 
pour  us  out  some  brandy.  Gentlemen,  I  am  at  your  ser- 
vice: How  much  would  you  wish  to  have?  Well,  I  don't 
know ;  Boys,  I  call'd  you  in  in  order  to  give  you  a  treat ; 
how  much  can  we  drink  ?  1  suppose  each  of  us  a  small 
glass  will  about  answer.  A  small  glass  indeed  I  Don't 
let  us  trouble  the  house  for  nothing:  for  my  part  I  have  » 
been  hard  at  work,  and  feel  very  dry.  So  after  quantity 
and  quality,  and  every  thing  else  is  mutually  agreed  upon. 


69 


the  u  landlord"  obtains  his  discharge,  and  is  glad  to  see 
their  backs  turned.  Give  me  any  thing  but  a  grog-shop 
and  a  sailor's  boarding-house. 

 -«=3>   

CHAPTER  IX. 

When  a  man  is  dunned  for  a  debt  which  he  is  unable  to 
pay,  he  replies,  "  You  ought  to  have  had  it  long  ago ;  but 
money  is  scarce,  and  hard  to  be  got ;  you  must  try  to  wait 
a  little  longer."  Indeed  money  is  always  hard  to  be  got 
when  there  is  nothing  to  spare  to  get  it  with — and  fre- 
quently the  frivolous  plea  of  the  scarcity  of  money  shews 
the  want  of  a  better  excuse.  But  I  will  readily  admit 
that  in  certain  cases  the  excuse  may  be  a  good  one :  and 
for  the  existence  of  this  evil  we  may  thank  the  rich,  not  the 
poor. — A  wealthy  farmer  can  pay  one  hundred  pounds  for 
land,  or  an  hundred  dollars  for  cattle  wherewith  to  stock 
his  farm  ;  but  when  a  poor  mechanic  or  laborer  brings  in 
a  bill  of  five  or  six  dollars  for  services  faithfully  performed, 
it  is  like  drawing  teeth  to  get  a  cent  out  of  his  purse,  but 
he  must  be  put  off  w  ith  a  call  again  ;  I  have  no  money  to 
spare — don't  you  want  a  bushel  of  grain  for  your  family  ? 
So  the  poor  man  goes  the  rounds  among  his  employers, 
and  can  scarcely  collect  money  enough  to  pay  his  taxes. 
By  and  by  his  wife  gives  him  notice  that  their  flour  and 
meal  is  all  exhausted,  and  "  this  is  the  last  loaf  of  bread.'* 
Away  goes  the  man,  hires  a  horse,  and  being  confident  of 
success,  calls  upon  the  rich  farmer,  thinking  to  accept  of 
his  invitation  and  get  a  bushel  of  his  grain — but  to  his 
great  surprise  finds  an  excuse  already  prepared — "  Well, 


70 


my  dear  sir,  1  am  sorry  to  disappoint  you  ;  the  grain  is  in 
the  barn,  dry  and  in  good  order,  and  you  never  saw  better 
in  your  life ;  but  really  we  have  been  so  very  busy  that 
we  have  not  had  time  to  thresh  it  out ;  but  call  almost  any 
other  time,  and  you  shall  not  be  disappointed."  And 
thus  he  proceeds  to  excuse  himse]f  for  his  neglect,  and 
makes  a  fair  promise  of  a  good  grist  before  it  be  long. 
The  poor  man,  under  the  heavy  pressure  of  a  disappointed 
expectation,  plucks  up  courage  and  takes  the  freedom  to 
ask  for  a  dollar,  saying,  the  miller  has  plenty  of  rye  and 
corn  to  sell,  but  1  can't  get  it  without  the  money — if  you 
can  oblige  me  with  that  sum  I  would  thank  you  very 
kindly. 

But  the  hard-hearted  miser,  whose  dollars  are  as  dear  to 
him  as  the  teeth  in  his  head,  refuses  this  small  request, 
and  puts  him  off  with  saying,  he  expects  to  have  another 
use  for  his  money,  and  cannot  nor  will  not  spare  it. 

The  disappointed  mechanic  then  mounts  his  nag,  and 
away  to  his  next  customer,  who  has  a  story  equally  as  pat 
as  his  neighbor,  and  tells  him,  "  I  have  no  money  to 
spare,"  I  am  trying  to  make  up  a  sum  of  fifty  pounds  for 
a  certain  use,  and  at  this  time  every  penny  is  one :  but  I 
have  plenty  of  rye,  and  corn,  and  buckwheat,  and  as  you' 
have  a  family  to  support,  you  must  call  once  in  a  while 
and  get  a  grist.  The  poor  man's  prospects  now  begin  to 
brighten,  and  he  almost  views  his  grain  running  through 
the  hopper ;  for  the  sound  of  the  farmer's  invitation  ani- 
mates his  very  soul,  and  he  begins  at  once  to  feel  like  a 
"giant  refreshed  with  new  wine,"  from  so  fair  a  prospect 
of  good  success,  and  in  his  imagination  views  his  hungry 
children  reaching  out  the  hand  of  joy,  to  partake  of  the 


71 


fruits  of  his  industry  :  and  when  the  farmer's  long  story  is 
ended,  he  tells  him,  The  grain  is  just  what  I  want ;  we 
have  neither  bread  nor  meal  in  the  house,  and  I  have 
hired  a  horse  to  go  to  mill .  and  if  you  will  measure  me 
up  a  bushel  or  two,  it  will  oblige  me  very  much,  and  suit 
me  just  as  well  as  the  cash.  But  the  farmer,  when  he 
comes  to  wind  up  the  subject,  quite  frustrates  his  expecta- 
tion by  singing  the  old  tune,  that  the  grain  is  not  threshed 
and  we  are  too  busy  ;  you  must  either  wait  a  few  days  or 
thresh  it  yourself. 

This  last  explosion  almost  strikes  the  man  dumb,  and  he 
is  now  at  his  wit's  end,  not  knowing  what  course  to  take. 
He  calls  upon  another  rich  farmer,  and  humbly  asks  him 
for  a  few  shillings,  which  he  utterly  refuses,  saying,  I 
have  just  laid  up  a  sum  of  one  hundred  pounds,  in  order  to 
hire  out,  and  I  must  not  break  it  nor  dribble  it  about : — 
tries  hard  to  put  him  off  with  some  kind  of  useless  trash, 
that  will  do  him  but  little  good.  So  after  the  man  has 
spent  much  time  in  search  of  a  grist,  has  to  go  into  the 
barn  and  thresh  it  himself,  and  give  a  shilling  a  bushel 
more  than  the  market  price ;  and  good  luck  to  him  if  he 
gets  it  ground  without  spending  part  of  another  day. 

Now  these  and  the  like  impositions  are  practised  upon 
the  poor  by  the  rich  in  some  parts  of  the  country ;  who  es- 
teem it  no  crime  to  fly  in  the  face  of  that  scripture  that 
directs  us  not  to  "  oppress  the  hireling,  in  his  wages." 

An  industrious  country  mechanic  declared  to  me,  he 
had  rather  go  into  his  shop  and  earn  a  sum  of  money,  than 
to  go  among  his  employers  and  collect  it  where  it  was  due. 

The  rich  ought  to  pay  the  poor  for  their  services  as 
soon  as  the  work  is  done,  and  not  subject  them  to  the  ne- 


7*2 


cessity  of  spending  their  time  in  this  manner,  or  of  taking 
goods  upon  credit.  For  a  poor  man  can  always  make 
bargains  to  the  best  advantage  when  he  goes  with  money 
in  his  hand. 

And  setting  aside  the  extortion  that  is  frequently  prac- 
ticed, the  farmer  would  lose  nothing  by  his  prompt  pay- 
ment; for  the  money,  in  the  course  of  its  circulation, 
would  soon  find  its  way  back  into  his  purse,  and  so  his 
punctuality  would  do  almost  infinite  service  to  the  poor, 
and  himself  no  injury. 

The  sum  of  twenty  dollars,  by  passing  through  the 
hands  of  five  men,  would  pay  one  hundred ;  and  not  only 
satisfy  the  just  demands  of  five  different  men,  who  had 
each  his  word  and  honor  at  stake,  but  perhaps  by  this  time 
lodge  in  the  very  same  purse  from  whence  it  started,  and  by 
its  circulation  answer  the  very  purpose  for  which  it  was 
intended  ;  which,  while  laying  still,  would  do  no  other 
good  than  to  satisfy  the  craving  disposition  of  a  close-fisted 
miser.  This  is  the  man  who  constrains  people  to  complain 
of  the  scarcity  of  money,  when  in  fact  there  is  enough  to 
answer  the  end  for  which  it  was  originally  designed,  if  its 
circulation  was  not  obstructed  by  the  griping  hand  of 
those  covetous  wretches  who  wish  to  tread  the  poor  under 
foot,  and  deprive  them  of  the  means  of  a  comfortable  sub- 
sistence. 


73 


CHAPTER  X. 

I  have  jast  now  recollected  that  the  butchers  and  dry- 
good  merchants  have  entirely  escaped  my  notice  in  the  pre- 
ceding part  of  this  work,  although  not  the  least  deserving. 
And  if  I  should  wilfully  neglect  the  men  from  whom  I  re- 
ceive both  food  and  raiment,  they  would  have  just  cause 
of  complaint.  I  must  speak  much  in  their  praise  for  their 
unremitted  diligence  in  endeavoring  to  dispose  of  the  com- 
modities in  which  they  deal.  I  have,  however,  a  little  to 
say  against  the  method  they  generally  pursue ;  for  scarce 
can  a  man  pass  through  the  market  without  being  stopped 
by  twenty  different  butchers,  who  will  each  in  his  turn 

introduce  him  to  his  stall,  and  begin  to  praise  his  meat.  

Here,  sir,  will  you  have  a  piece  of  good  fat  beef ;  the  best 

and  cheapest  in  market  ?  This  way,  this  way,  Sir,  if 

you  please  Will  you  take  a  quarter  of  lamb  ? — It  is 

tender  as  a  chicken.  Or  a  round  of  mutton — It  is  fat 

and  good  Here !  just  let  me  weigh  it  for  you  It 

comes  to  so  much  Take  it  for  six  pence  less ;  and 

upon  my  word  it  cost  me  more  money. 

Nor  is  there  a  fig  to  choose  between  such  butchers  and 
many  dry-good  merchants,  who  really  appear  to  have 
been  taught  in  the  same  school ;  for  scarcely  can  a  woman 
peep  her  head  within  their  doors,  if  it  be  only  for  the  vain 
purpose  of  shewing  her  fair  face,  or  her  fine  clothes,  or  in- 
quiring the  price  of  what  she  don't  want  to  buy,  (it  may 
be  to  have  a  squint  at  the  shop-keeper)  but  they  are  ready 
to  load  her  down  with  goods  at  less  than  first  cost.  Here, 
madam,  walk  this  way — here  is  something  very  gay  and 

K 


74 


fashionable  (or  very  modest,  just  as  the  ease  may  be),  li 
is  so  much  per  yard  But  I  will  not  stand  upon  tri- 
fles— you  shall  have  it  for  three  pence  less — and  positive- 
ly it  cost  me  more  money — but  I  am  determined  to  sell 
cheap — there  is  no  such  good  goods  to  be  found  in  the  city. 
Just  let  me  cut  it  off.  Why  if  you  go  to  every  store  in 
town  you  could  not  be  better  suited.  Indeed,  madam,  I 
would  not  offer  it  at  that  price,  had  I  not  a  note  to  take  up 
to-day.  I  have  sold  off  the  same  piece  for  more  than  I  ask 
you,  &c.  &c.  And  thus  both  butchers  and  merchants  appear 
as  if  they  thought  the  people  blind,  and  entirely  voidof  judg- 
ment or  common  understanding ;  and  put  themselves  upon 
a  par  with  those  hawkers  who  pass  through  our  streets, 
praising  their  oysters  and  clams,  as  if  they  were  the 
only  good  ones  ever  brought  to  market;  and  appear  near- 
ly as  contemptible  as  the  author  of  a  book  called  "  Wash- 
ington's Life,"  who  has  extolled  the  Father  of  our  coun- 
try almost  as  high  as  the  Father  of  our  mercies,  and  un~ 
blushingly  asserted,  that  he  has  brought  more  "glory  to 
the  Supreme  Being"  than  any  man  that  ever  lived  ! 

The  eighth  edition  of  this  wonderful  work,  published 
at  Philadelphia,  by  Mr.  M.  L.  Weems,  contains  many 
things  in  praise  of  that  great  man,  which  I  think  well 
lueant  and  well  spoken.  But  the  weakness  of  the  author 
i  abundantly  discovered  by  a  ridiculous  deviation  from 
that  mod  rate  path  in  which  every  man  ought  to  walk, 
who  undertakes  to  praise  his  neighbor. 

Nev  r  did  a  poor  pedlar  bend  under  his  pack,  or  a  waggon 
horse  trudge  over  the  Alleghany  mountains  with  a  great- 
er spirit  of  industry;  than  this  man  has  shewn  by  his  un- 
remitt  d  diligence  in  striving  to  dazzle  our  eyes  with  the 
splendid  character  of  W ashiiigion.    There  are  some  peo- 


75 


pie  with  the  first  sight  of  whose  faces  we  are  much  attract- 
ed, but  upon  a  second  view,  find  them  nothing  more  than 
common,  and  ourselves  much  deceived.  Just  so  with 
Weems'  history  of  Washington.  If  the  earth  should  pro- 
duce two  or  three  more  such  monsters,  and  each  of  them 
produce  a  volume  so  monstrously  extravagant  as  the 
one  now  before  us,  rmd  the  people  of  the  United  States 
were  so  grossly  deluded  as  to  believe  them  half  to  be  true, 
there  is  no  doubt  but  we  should  bend  the  knee,  perform 
acts  of  devotion,  and  with  Mr.  M.  L.  W.  cry,  Glory  to 
Washington. 

While  perusing  his  pages,  I  have  cast  my  eye  ur> 
on  several  monstrous  extravagancies,  which,  since  they 
have  been  publicly  asserted  ought  to  be  publicly  proved, 
or  publicly  retracted.  Just  take  a  view,  and  judge  for 
yourself:  "By  firmly  obeying  the  sacred  voice  of  jus- 
rt  tice  and  humanity,  he  preserved  a  life,  which,  crowned 
"  with  deeds  of  justice  and  benevolence,  has  brought  more 

*  glory  to  God,  more  good  to  man,  and  more  honor  to 
c<  himself,  than  any  life  ever  lived  since  the  race  of  man 

*  began !"  I  would  readily  consider  this  as  an  accidental 
error,  committed  by  a  well-meaning  man,  with  a  view  of 
doing  justice  to  our  beloved  Hero,  was  it  not  that  we  find 
his  other  pages  strained  up  with  almost  an  equal  degree  of 
extravagance,  as  if  he  wanted  the  whole  world  to  believe 
that  General  Washington's  geese  were  all  swans,  and  him- 
self something  more  than  an  angel.  When  a  man  is  go- 
ing down  hill  every  one  will  give  him  a  push,  and  vic$ 
versa,  when  a  man  is  advancing  up  hill  every  one  will 
give  him  a  pull.  Washington's  character  stands  suffi- 
ciently fair  in  the  eyes  of  all  the  world,  without  our  re- 


76 


sorting  to  such  mean  measures  in  order  to  make  it  appear 
more  so.  Such  resorts  would  only  answer  to  keep  a  sink- 
ing man's  head  above  water ;  would  appear  contemptible 
in  that  case,  and  does  much  more  so  in  the  present. 

Washington,  whose  worthy  name  was  extensively 
spread  abroad  upon  every  point  of  compass,  and  whose 
meritorious  actions  had  justly  elevated  him  to  the  very 
pinnacle  of  human  honor,  must  now,  after  his  death,  have 
a  heavy  load  of  excessive  encomiums  heaped  upon  him, 
which,  while  he  was  living,  would  have  raised  a  blush 
upon  his  face,  and  for  which  he  would  have  thanked  no 
person,  but  run  off  with  his  fingers  in  his  ears.  Mr. 
Weems  speaks  much  of  his  good  conduct  and  god-like  am- 
bition, &c.  So  because  his  endeavors  were  generally 
crowned  with  success,  neither  men  nor  angels  afford  a 
suitable  comparison,  but  he  must  almost  be  placed  upon 
the  level  with  the  King  of  kings,  while  poor  Thomas  Jef- 
ferson for  laying  the  embargo,  doing  a  bad  deed  with  a 
good  design,  must  be  cursed  up  hill  and  down.  I  cannot 
understand  such  partiality ;  I  am  persuaded  that  many  a 
man  has  been  basely  exploded  for  the  self-same  conduct 
for  which  Washington  would  have  been  highly  extolled. 
I  suppose  that  instead  of  only  tolerating  the  Slave  Trade 
by  precept  and  example,  he  might  have  sent  ship  after 
ship  to  Africa,  and  encouraged  that  inhuman  traffic  ever  so 
much,  and  have  kept  a  thousand  slaves  where  he  did  an 
hundred,  and  our  brave  historian  would  not  fail  to  turn  it 
all  into  acts  of  the  greatest  humanity.  But  let  Mr.  M. 
L.  W.  consider  this  as  nothing. more  than  a  light  drop  be- 
fore a  heavy  shower,  I  having  made  the  necessary  pre- 
parations to  meet  him  upon  his  own  ground. 


77 


CHAPTER  XI. 

Having  extended  my  pamphlet  very  far  beyond  the  size 
I  intended,  I  must  now  either  come  to  a  close,  or  intrude 
upon  your  patience.  "  Too  much  of  one  thing  is  good  for 
nothing."  I  never  did  like  long  prayers,  long  sermons, 
nor  long  visits.  Withdraw  thy  foot  from  thy  neighbor's 
house,  lest  he  be  weary  of  thee  and  so  hate  thee,  Prov. 
xxv.  17.  It  amounts  to  no  crime  to  cover  up  the  fire  and 
prepare  for  bed,  when  a  visiting  neighbor  extends  his  sit- 
ting to  a  late  hour.  Some  night  visitors  are  like  bull- 
dogs, they  hang  on  till  they  are  beat  off  by  broad  hints. 
At  bed -time,  if  one  of  the  company  should  ask  the  time  of 
night,  the  answer  is,  "  Quite  early  in  the  evening."  And 
at  eleven  o'clock,  when  the  family  begins  to  nod  for  want 
of  sleep,  take  the  hint  and  go  home,  and  so  make  the  peo- 
ple twice  glad. 

A  talkative,  in  my  view,  is  one  of  the  greatest  monsters 
in  the  world.  He  is  not  willing  to  talk  and  let  talk,  but 
must  engross  the  whole  discourse  to  himself ;  as  if  he 
thought  himself  the  only  wise  person  in  the  world,  and 
his  words  all  clothed  with  instruction. 

When  half  a  dozen  chattering  women  club  together 
upon  an  afternoon's  visit,  they  are  at  no  loss  for  conversa- 
tion wherewith  to  occupy  the  time.  Their  greatest  diffi- 
culty amidst  their  stultiloquence,  is  to  find  room  for  their 
words,  and  are  frequently  under  the  necessity  of  crowding 
th^m  in  edgewise.  It  is  not  an  uncommon  thing  for  two 
or  three  to  be  speaking  at  once,  when  she  that  has  the 
strongest  voice  stands  the  best  chance  to  be  heard.    But  if 


78 


these  very  same  women  meet  together  ontan  occasion  of  a 
more  serious  nature,  ana  are  interrogated  as  to  their  spirit- 
ual prosperity,  or  growth  in  grace,  they  have  but  little 
to  say,  and  that  is  spoken  in  so  low  a  tone  of  voice,  and 
with  so  little  zeal,  that  it  is  no  way  edifying  to  the  minds 
of  their  company,  who  had  promised  themselves  much  be- 
nefit from  their  conversation. 

Well  would  it  be  if  they  were  to  pay  so  much  regard 
to  the  rules  of  good  discipline,  and  the  feelings  of  their  more 
serious  neighbors,  as  to  abstain  from  making  visits  on  the 
Sabbath;  a  practice  which  ought  to  be  detested  by  all 
Christian  people,  and  tends  not  a  little  towards  corrupting, 
the  minds  of  our  friends  and  our  neighbors. 

If  a  worldly  person  makes  a  Sunday  visit,  it  is  called 
a  breach  of  the  Sabbath  ;  but  professors  cf  religion  may 
do  the  same,  and  exculpate  themselves  from  blame 
by  giving  it  the  soft  name  of  a  religious  visit;  although 
there  may  be  but  little  more  than  tea-table  chit-chat  for 
several  hours  together !  No  wonder  truir  visits  become  in- 
sipid, for,  like  the  Pharisee,  they  have  forgotten  their  er- 
rand, and  substituted  worldly  instead  of  pious  conversa- 
tion ;  and  no  marvel  if  they  return  home  with  a  barrea 
mind. 

If  a  predestinarian  was  to  tell  us,  that  after  a  man's 
mind  was  once  illuminated,  and  his  affections  regulated 
by  divine  grace,  every  thing  he  could  think,  say,  or  do 
would  certainly  be  right,  you  would  call  up  king  David, 
and  Judas,  and  Peter,  and  Alexander  the  coppersmith,  and 
a  dozen  more  backsliders,  and  try  to  stop  his  mouth  by 
exhibiting  their  diabolical  practices.  In  vain  do  we  pcint 
the  finger  of  contempt  against  the  vile  doctrine  of  Antino- 


79 


mianism,  so  long  as  our  practice  contradicts  our  profession. 
4t  Actions  speak  louder  than  words."  There  are  many 
practical  Antinomians  among  us,  the  corruptions  of  whose 
hearts  are  abundantly  manifested  by  their  outward  de- 
portment, who  profess  to  believe  a  doctrine  better  calcu- 
lated to  regulate  their  lives ;  for  which  inconsistency  be- 
tween their  profession  and  their  practice  they  ought  to 
blush  and  frel  ashamed. 

But  Sunday  vi -iters  are  not  the  only  ones  by  whom  our 
Sabbaths  are  constantly  profaned.  No  human  indulgence 
be  it  granted  by  a  corporation,  a  legislature,  a  natural  pa- 
rent, or  a  gospel  mi  li  t  :r,  (to  whom  we  are  always  look- 
ing for  better  things)  is  sufficient  to  justify  a  man  for  openr 
ing  his  store,  or  trading  upon  the  Sabbath. 

The  frivolous  plea  oi  general  custom  may  answer  to  stop 
the  mouth  of  a  guilty  conscience,  but  has  no  more  ten- 
dency to  lessen  the  criminality  of  the  offence,  than  a  wo- 
man can  justify  herself  for  wearing  rings  and  jewels,  and 
gold  beads,  and  curled  hair,  or  long  nails,  because  her 
neighbors  do  the  same.  And  the  chililike  weakness  of  a 
woman  would  be  equally  exhibited  by  her  being  the  more 
emboldened  to  powder  her  head  and  paint  and  patch  her 
face,  because  her  minister  says  nothing  against  it.  If  a 
civil  or  ecclesiastical  officer  neglects  his  duty,  it  is  no  rea- 
son we  should  commit  a  breach  of  the  best  of  laws.  Neith- 
er ought  our  hearts  to  be  stimulated  to  do  evil  because  sen- 
tence against  an  evil  work  is  not  speedily  executed. 


. APPENDIX. 

TVhile  writing  the  foregoing  pages  some  of  my  friends 
have  cast  an  eye  over  my  shoulder,  and  discovered  their 
contents.  And  each  in  his  turn  has  taken  the  freedom  to 
tell  me  "  this  is  right"  and  "that  is  wrong."  One  found 
fault  with  the  dedication,  another  with  the  preface.  One 
expression  is  too  insipid,  another  too  pointed.  And  even 
the  printer*  himself  has  had  the  audacity  to  send  for  me 
to  come  and  expunge  or  soften  a  sentence  which  he 
thought  too  severe.  And  had  I  have  acted  the  part  of 
some  of  our  public  representatives,  who  oppose  their  own 
judgments  for  the  purpose  of  pleasing  the  people,  I  might 
have  dashed  out  every  sentence,  and  given  you  nothing  to 
read  but  blank  pages.  In  which  case  my  book  would  be- 
come as  contemptible  as  Pinkney's  Tooth-Drops,  so 
highly  extoled  for  universal  efficac}7 — for  which  each  pati- 
ent ha3  to  drop  the  sum  of  twenty-five  cents  into  the  purse 
of  the  practitioner,  and  then  fifty  more  must  go  to  the  tooth 
drawer,  by  which  time  the  man  is  in  a  fair  way  to  get  well. 

And  now  to,  conclude,  I  request  that  no  person,  either 
high  or  low,  male  or  female,  would  ever  speak  a  word  to 
me  upon  the  merit  or  demerit  of  m^r  pamphlet,  or  its  con- 
tents, either  directly  or  indirectly,  in  public  or  private,  at 
home  cr  abroad.  But  if  any  communication  is  to  take 
place,  let  it  be  in  writing,  for  in  no  other  way  shall  I  feel 
myself  bound  to  give  an  answer. 

*  Although  the  Author  says,  and  with  truth,  that  the  Printer 
had  the  "  audacity"  to  send  for  him  to  "  expunge  or  soften  a 
sentence  which  he  thought  too  severe,'*  yet  he  is  of  opinion  that 
the  Author  and  the  Characters  held  up  to  view  in  this  pamphlet 
are  under  obligations  to  him ;  the  former  because  he  lent  him  his 
spectacles,  and  the  latter  because  he  broke  off  many  heavy  blows. 


